It's been 5 years...
A lot of things has changed
My style, my attitude, my mindset, the people around me..etc
Except this feeling

In this 5 years,
I tried to find a replacement
But none of them really reach my heart
That's not all..

In this 5 years,
A lot of girls i have met..
Sweet, lovely, cute, pretty, etc...
But guess what, you are still the best


I dunno why i suddenly wanna write this entry. It seems that I just could not stop thinking of her. Even when I was trying to like someone else, the next thing that happen is this girl either being in my dream or I suddenly think of her. I dont think I have any point of writing this on my blog, it is not as if she's gonna read my blog(besides, no one's been reading my blog). But why am I writing it?

Ok, enough to that. There's no end to it.

These few days customers are being so boring and disrespectful. Issit because of my appearance that some seems to look down on me or is it just my voice?...or smth else?

I want to find some fun in work, but it seems like it's not my playground anymore.

Feeling so sad by how I am being treated. All I want to do is to make things right build a better relationship with my colleagues and friends.

I guess it's true when they say exercising helps to relieve some stress. When I went home in the evening, I was all pressured by the treatment i received from customers. But after doing some exercises, my mind draws to my martial art interests and in fact, it makes me feel good and better about myself.

Ninja chalet has already started. But i didnt join them. In fact, I am not planning to go for any chalet at all. W45G chalet, Ninja Chalet and Sgedulab Chalet. And I also did not go to Balai with the rest of the roots for a visit.

It looks as though I am avoiding the chalets and Balai. I do not know how to be fun in chalets...and i am too lazy to go oversea currently.
As for my interest development, I need some new exercises and discipline in order to be able to cartwheel and some other stuffs.

Hi blog, I am just trying to organised my thoughts.
Firstly, I want to list down what I want to do. I have already type this list in Word and saved them. lol.

Secondly, it is how I am going to do it.
I need a lot of discipline. I hate to be so egoist. It's not that I have not turn to be one before, in fact, that is the reason I hate it. I would like to relax and stay calm rather than trying to only pursuing my interest so dead seriously. I find being egoist is kind of selfish. In fact, if u tell me the 'motivation words' i would say they are only cliches' which are said without being understood. What is this my stand? Well...there are some sayings that I have been spreading like as if i know and it does seems logical, but it is when I experience and see why is it logical then I truly understand what those cliches means. How does this relates to egoist? Some of them use these 'motivational phrases' to motivate themselves, teach others and just barely tell themselves. What they don't realise is that they do not FULLY understand them. It's like a theory being use without proving yourself it is true. WOah...am i an anti-realist? lol.

So how am I goin to do it? Well...being an egoist is one of the ways that i know. The other is to have friend to motivate me to pursue my interest and each others' interest. :)

Well..Ninja-do on Sunday. Sengkang people came over to 'guard' us from troublemakers who came to disturb the place last week after lesson. I didnt stay long enough so i dunno what happen. I have some phobia doin yeoyatsu because I fell several times while trying to exert force in the kick. Sparred with Joel. lol. I told him, "I do not like to hurt others, nor do I like to be hurt". He says, "Eh same!"
lol. That was before the spar. Then during sparring, i do not really know what to do, then got one part i use yeoyatsu, and decrease force when turning. He blocked my kick and lost his balance and fell. lol. He said he rather block and fall than being kicked. haha. Then taijutsu was like..."Eh Joel, let's finish this quick..u push me"
Lol...then it was like so sian la..he didnt use much force, so I push him...it's a draw I guess. lol.

Then today, watch my 'old stuffs', that is my animations, my fun dance, speeches and some documents. :P I guess that was why everyone call me lame last time. Now I know why. Lol...how embarassing. But seriously, I still think i did some good job there.

It's been months or more than a year since I stopped doing my nightly 3 standard exercises - push-ups, sit-ups and squats.

Today I tried to do 50 pushups...I only manage 30. Another 20 i did in the second round. haha. 3 years may seems long, but the time it takes for me to be fit and strong is even longer. What I am talking here is about NS.

I have never experienced NS but what I feel is that it is just another physical education.

Well anyway, holidays r here. Time to work, as well as find another job. I feel like crying because I can't find a better paid job.

I have not been sleeping well these days cos' my mom's been waking me up so early. haha.

Today skipped wushu. No excuses is more valid than my fatigue. Well...nth much to say now..

Happy holidays W45G!

SOOoOooooo....I am from dunno where and I am here to present numbers.

Whatever la..

Anyway, today's math was like so whatever. Play CS only.
Then tired, this small girl, Wei Si, wanna play Sims 2 on my laptop. =.="

Thought of caboting, but the team psycho me not to. Then I continue playing CS. I talk nonsensically and i think i oso dunno wad i was toking abt. Faci like robot, keep nodding and nodding...i oso dunno wad she understood from my nonsense.

Then finish lesson, I play sims 2...till laptop crashes, then go home. haha..

B4 go home, went to Sheng Siong to but 20eggs. Lol...go home, fried 2 of them.
So sianz.

Then too sian, I went to do some resistance training. Do RJ, and eat, then play and play again.

Waited for 12am to wish ym birthday. My phone clock is like sooo fast...but i send following the phone clock. Why? scared forget. lol. Then now i blog. ;P

Well..good news abt this wk, I got A for sci after i psycho-ed her. :P

Hi blog,
Well...as usual, my life end this way. I just wanna be myself. But i still ended up with myself, as in I and me. It's a hard life being myself.

It could also be that I am used to being alone until now then I realise that I need a social life. Even right now, outside E5 level 1, I am alone. I told my mom a few days ago, I guess if i were to hv children I will hv at least 2.

sigh...

Today, I was like turn myself to somewhat who i was in sem 1. I did the worksheet and stuffs. I felt a bit down when I tried to get help from others. Most endings are sad, but this is personal sadness. I know others judge me being blur, emo, 'dun care type', etc. I dunno what to say.

I cant see my strength. I dun even know if I hv one.

All I can imagine is myself, holding a katana...killing anyone who blocks my way. I am moving very fast, cartwheeling and flipping. Sitting on rooftops of the town at night. Looking down at the colourful lights. Feeling peace and relaxed.
I wonder if any pschological theory can explain this image form in my mind. This image actually make me feel better now and i m back to sane.

This may be an emo entry, but wth..who cares.

And yea, there's one interesting thing that happened to me last fri.
After wushu, i was all worn out and went to W1 to buy drink at the vending machine.
Guess what. I saw this 100 Plus bottle lying on the slider through the glass. So with common sense, I buy a bottle of drink from that vending machine and in the end I earn 2 bottle of drinks. :D Buy 1 get 1 free.

Ever since Monday, I feel so haywired and lost.
Today, I become numb and headaches. It's the same old symptoms that I always experience when I feel lonely, unneeded and disliked. It's a feeling of depression.

Life is so boring. It's challenging now. Well...I do love challenges but sometimes too many of it, is making me so worried.
(Random) If I ever get more socialised...do not give the credit to RP. It is ME who wanna do so.

How I wish that she would be interested in me just like how I am interested in her now.
Shall I just let her go..?

I feel so low. I think all I need now is someone to be with me.

I am irritated by the MRT passengers, especially the senior citizens. They just could give way to alighting passengers. They're always at the door trying to rush in, acting like a resistant to the alighting passenger. For goodness sake, it's not that we can counter their resistant force but we're just afraid that someone might get hurt. It's just a safety precaution. I think if I am angry, i would have just push them out ar. Irritating sia. On the other hand, some alighting passengers were also very kiasu and push the people in front. *fist* U see this? U push me, i give u that.

Now that I am in this state of emotion(i.e numb), I tend to get angry quite easily.

Friday, Flames Award Ceremony.

Bought 2 bags. 1 for my laptop. I decided to use the normal type bag cos' my back hurts using the sling bag.
2ndly, it's for my mom. She choose, i pay abt more than half and she paid the rest.

So I handover my laptop to my mom.
The flames award was ok la. The highlight is the food i guess. So many food.

I was shouting so much tat night during the stage performance.

Hmmm..didnt go for dance, stayed with the other wushu members...they took photos, i slack...too full to do anything.

Well...a few days ago, i thought of my unfulfiled dreams/interests. I was thinking...maybe if I hv a child, i could pass down my talent to them. Train them from young to be flexible, strong and stable. Then pass down my foundations of martial arts to them. Train them strong that they do not have to face the same problem as me now.

I feel so old come to think of it. Haha...not time for me to think abt all these...I dont even hv a gf yet.


Alamak...lazy to continue...goodnite

Well.
Fri
Wushu, i was damn lazy. Do things anyhow.

Sat
Work..quite fun. Bought a pair of shoes. I was a bit interested in shoes nowadays. haha..looking good is one of it..but most importantly, a good shoes for fighting :D
Back home quite early...but decided to do some resistance exercise cos' getting weaker. Any of u who are interested to go gym, do ask me to tag along.

Sun
Morning work, good.
Ninja-do -> ALright!! Joel is back! The return of Joel with his four eyes and unshaved moutache. :D He is a nice guy..and there's a lot I can learn from him, not only in Ninjado but also in terms of personality.
The 2nd greatest news is that...THEY'RE GONNA BUILD A DOJO for martial art classes. :D
Then ninja-do will hv a place to train.

I just wanna see where am I now..

Singing has always been something that I have long to achieve. To be more correct, i wanna learn the correct way to sing. I have tried to maximise my interest in that field but failed. Working part-time, I thought I would be able to get myself to take up vocal course, but it is insufficient. When I got into RP, I was so excited about joining replug or rhaspody. I tried rhaspody...but failed audition.

It's not something to be sad of, but rather something to be improved on. It could be I am not born with the 'sing' voice. But I am still not satisfied. I think I should give another try next year. Just to encourage myself, I may not make it but at least I have the courage.

This courage. I was told by my wushu intructor that I am the next person to succeed in doing the cartwheel without hand because of my courage. Just yesterday, he told me to jump. Sometimes I wonder why am I doing. I mean, if i were to see another person who do the same thing as me, I would say they're crazy. But when I am doing that thing...I just feel great. What I did was trying to do the cartwheel...and fell, injuring myself. It seems that I did not change. I don't even know whether what I was doing was right or wrong...that is being daring.

Besides that, I do have this interest of drawing manga. Serious talking, I think that the unofficial IG I am in now would die off. I don't think the chairman can ensure me of being a manga artist.

In a way, I am proud of myself for living with some of my dreams...one of which is knowing martial arts. And to be more of myself, I did not go for strong martial arts or a martial art of my own race, Silat. I am only learning the ones that symbolise me.

What I learn from this interest field is that, no one is better than anyone. It is just seen that way because everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. So if I still fail the audition next year, it doesn't matter...I have other strengths.

Halim

Week of bad luck.

Content:
How it started?
What happened?
In school
In work place..I seek for revenge
Wushu
Ninja-do = relief stress

It all started long time ago when I was young...about 9 Nov 2007.
I had this illustrator workshop in school. I did not install the program. So I learn by just looking at it.
Then I was told to hand in on Monday, but no email was sent telling us where to upload. I have not even installed la. I was also trying to gather my VB mates to do the program. It was difficult to contact them during the holiday.
That was also the day I receive the email saying that there was an extension of submission. So..I was lucky. Lucky right? Ah pui.
The same day I can't really do much cos' I had wushu after school. THen tuesday, the VB project is just starting to roll. Writing codes, doing problem statements and illustrator.

Somemore, it was a science lesson. I did try to focus le. I think i did more than what I done for most lesson. And this faci was like, gave me C and said i looked a bit lost. Sometimes I wonder whether I should switched on my serious mode. I mean, it's the mode I hate most...i get stress so easily. This KFC(Kanina F**k C.b) faci needs to reward me better la. Sial la...irritating sia. Furthermore my cognitive UT...I tot i did well and wrote a lot...but then, I got Elephant. Like WTF. Thanks ar...felt so under-rewarded. Stress + sad.

Wednesday, submitted the illustration late.
For VB, I set dateline to finish on Thursday cos' Fri and Sat, I will be bz...but procrastinated and somebody did not really cooperate.
Friday, after wushu...at night, still writing codes. Saturday after work, also writing codes and it was completed...with 2 problems which we forgot to correct...but we submitted anyway. I designed the layout using illustrator. :D
Oh...u may be asking why I go wushu when VB is at a more priority case. I tell u...I got wushu performance on 18 Nov and need more training and along the way relief stress. Somemore it was like last minute for me cos' I was actually working on Sunday. To make it worse, I am one of the person in charge. So I practice wushu even after completing VB.

Working was also meant to relief some stress...but it turned out to be the other way round. Things goes so fun until this idiot came over to take over my cashier job. Talking like supervisor, she kept telling people what to do. Then she straight away count my cash before I get to count it myself. She told be shortage of $9. ok..like what the FUCK? I was trying to relief stress...I tried to just get high, but in a way doing the right thing...I say, someone must be a CSR. Then this idiotic ugly heart shouted, "Can u SHUT up!?"
For goodness sake, can say nicely anot?
I ain't scared of her. How I wish it was in a secondary school...then I can beat and kick her ass. One fact about me, I DON'T CARE whether ur a guy or girl, if u show no RESPECT and it reaches my limit...prepare to get ur ass kicked. Yes, I am not a gentleman...get that in ur head. I m only nice to those who deserve my good treatment, regardless guy or girl.
So what I did to relief stress? Just keep quiet and show my true discipline...I volunteered to be the CSR, the most boring job, and stand at the door step. The other coleagues was surprised tat I was being a CSR, when I am not really supposed to be. Behaving like my previous NCC self, I show no sign of warmth. I had the tendency to kick the wall, the chair and EVEN that idiot. I could get her leg break again...but I hv brains, unlike her..shout EVEN when there are customers. One advice for her: Better watch her mouth and look who's talking, now she's done it...so just watch out. I am seeking for revenge.
If my anger fades off before the next round, consider herself lucky man.
Then this manager was like ask me, not busy..wanna go home? Go la.
I was like ok, fine. And went off.

So done with that. Today was the performance, needs to be there by 8am. So left the house abt 7++. Practice and perform...I think I did badly. I feel so out of shape. I need to be more built. I need to get in shape. Ended at 11+, got changed..and cabot. Go home, did the most rare thing i ever do...that is sleep. After that, woke up at around 3:30...bathe again and go for ninja-do. Had sparring with same opponent and last wk. I tried to relief stress la...so went a bit violent..but STILL, i m not so strong. Still tired from performance. I pretended to hv a knee injured when my opponent kicked my knee. Well...it was to play safe and not let him kick it more. I already hv injured knees. Haha..but eventually, he hurt his own feet that kicked my knee. I kicked his thigh and other part of his leg. I was a bit aggressive but at the same time, I am having this barrier of, "he is a friend" and "No kicking of faces".

Time to build more muscles.

Eventually, is my holiday fruitful?
Well...I earn abt 2 DA pts.
Then had wushu, learn a lil guitar, earn more money and new knowledges.
Oh ya...and finally today, a bokken! :D It's been long since I want it! :P

BUT, there's still something i m not satisfied. That is the VB challenge thing...cos' I cant contact some ppl.
The other one is not being able to study for science.
Hais..i lost my enthusiasm for VB already. Pls do not ask me anything.

Today, morning...ate chicken rice my mom bought for me last nite. It taste weird...but seriously, I hv no idea whether it can still be eaten or not. Like i say, all i know is eat eat eat. So yea, i ate it.
Then play PC game...cant remember wad i played. haha. As i was playing, i felt a lil headache. I told my mom that. In less than an hour, it got even worse. So i stop the game and rest..lying down.
The next thing was this feeling of wanna puke. Had a very uneasy stomach. Went to toilet and vomitted. Damn...all the rice came out. My mom advise me not to go for training...she said my forehead is getting warm; sign of fever.
But I just could not. I told myself, I can still do it...I cant give in to my weakness.
So in the end i did. Feel a little bit pain in the tummy.

There, I sparred with Ryan. I did the same moves for the whole spar. haha. Cos' before that he told me tat we should go easy. So I did inner rising kick and yoyatsu. I kicked his back..I scared it's his spinal cord le...so i ask RaeX, his sister, about his condition. As for me, to avoid paisehness and also punishment, I pretended I was not hurt. He kick below the belt(by accident). Haha...Then another one was the last move before the match ended, that is my knee. So yea...it hurts, still i can tahan ar. Genta say I look like a 14yrs-old kid. =.=" Damn.

Went home, thirsty, so bought 1 litre of apple aloe vera. Drank it the whole journey home. Then in the mirror, I saw my giant tummy bloated. haha.

Today work.
Some period bored, some good, some bad...
Morning, worked w/ this colleage...very fun. I bully only. haha...poor her.
Afternoon quite bz w/ bar cos' I HATE doin icecream.
Night, I was being so useless...I didnt take most of the order. I told this cina manager ar...she say why must wait? Haiyoo...then if they dont wanna order, then i must as well do other stuffs right? From there, i hardly take orders. Then got this customer...I took wrong order. Guess what? They want thin, i give pan. They want calamari, i give roasted chicken. Serious ar...i feel so paiseh, like walao...then got this colleage in the kitchen who went, "WHAT!?! HALIM KEYED IN WRONG?!"
I was like..err...dammit. I did repeat order and except for the calamari, i believe i did all fine. The calamari was due to wrong button. =.="

Ok..to justify myself..this was wad happen. I believe that there was a communication breakdown. I mean, the customer like keep stuttering. And wad is wrong with his role is that he did not pay attention and also do not really care. He can even make me laugh. See..he said he want salad with calamari, then his wife ask him...calamari is squid rite? Then he said, err...ya, er..i dunno. haha. It is like i dun care as long it's edible.

I dun care if i made anyone disappointed. I dun give a damn seriously. If u tink being a senior = no-mistake, sorry ar...tat is never true. Doesnt mean ur older, ur always right.

Serious ar...some ppl just need to be more respectful. Stop talking as tho ur perfect. Reflect on urself. Instead of criticising the 'mistaker', what would YOU do if ur in the same situation as him? Even if u hv a better solution, do not shoot others...just relax and try to deliver ur thoughts to them nicely..in a way that they dont feel offended but rather thankful.

On 8th of Nov...HAPPY DEEPAVALI!!
:D morning morning go work. Manager ask me whether I am going to quit or not. He wants to promote me but if i m not goin to quit soon, why would he promote me...
I was like err....I dunno. I told him that i would quit when the new staffs got better. He gave me a week to decide.

I am blessed with an sms not long ago. I learn a lot from her, a new friend.

Today, I m blessed with another new friend when i went for the Illustrator workshop. I do not hv the program installed in my com, so i asked her to send it to me tru thumbdrive. I lend it to another guy...but he was too quiet n didnt interact much with me. haha. On the run, this fafa oso come...very early sia she. Haha..come late but leave so fast. Bastard. The new friend was still having problems. haha. Went to eat with that new friend...cos' i really got nothing to do la. Wanna waste some time.

Like my nick...I can be serious if I want.

As i was working nowadays, I find myself being more easy on the new staffs. And it makes me more happier. Previously, I always lock myself with the thoughts that 'I must impress the manager', 'show the senior that I hv a strength' and 'the juniors must learn to be disciplined'. Of course, there's more...just that i couldnt remember. So what I did was 'never say die'. No matter how busy, I still beat the senior in terms of physical weariness.

Now, although I still topped discipline n respect, I still decided not to hurt anyone feelings. Seriously, when I first step into the battlefield, the seniors were all looking down on me...making me do all the work, in their terms is to teach me, but to me...they're just bastards. So when there's new recruits after me...I tend to be very fierce to them. I get very angry when they become lazy and slack. But the different is that I do not let them do all the things...I will show them how to do first...then the next ting is we do together. If I were to let them do all the things...then I am a bastard myself.

Let's just cut short. I begin to dislike some of the ppl there for having no respect tat I decided to relax myself. Like they say, follow the norms. My pay oso become like the norms. haha. So I m goin to be nice to new ppl. It seems tat it's better and i m happier. haha. Happiness>money. friendship>money.

My right knee is like I dunno how to describe liao. I can feel the twinge of pain at the joint every time I walk or even straighten my knee. I dunno wad to do la...go doctor, they oways gimme pain killer n ask me to rest. Alamak...i think today's entry really lame...cos' it's so late night liao....sleepy...brain working no so well..

cheeken

I want to close my eyes....
I am feeling damn emo...
I wanna draw a sword...
Bleed myself...
As i am typing this....cheebye msn keep popping up...
damn.
Damn boring...I m like nothing...just invisible...
No talent no speciality. Like the space between two planets..I am just nothing. I wanna be strong, destructive...and being seen equal.

Felt sick...I didnt take care of myself...ever since yesterday...
Too emo, i decided to eat a lot...
Bought pineapple pie, coconut pie, zinger student ml, and shroom burger ml from KFC. I ask for 2 sets of shroom burger ml but she gave me one set. =.=" nvm.
Thought of having it alone if my mom havent come back, but she's at home. So i offer her the shroom burger...while i took the rest. My mom asked why I hv been buying lots of food. I lied of course.

Seriously, I feel so down the grave. Didnt go wushu today...
My life is ruined...the god of devil is blessing me with his negative aura.

I feel like crying under the red sky...kneeling on my knees...palm flat on the ground.. head down and my eyes staring at the tears of sadness that wet the ground...

I wanna be strong...strong...

How i wish I can turn into a beast...as strong as a beast...

Cheeken

When interest doesnt relief stress..

When interest doesnt relief stress..

I hv been EMO nowadays...i was happy for only a moment...then EMO again.
Chiiicken...i m like sooo weak...hais...
Even martial art class cant relief my EMO n stress...
I hv the tendency to destroy the things around me...and even worse, the strangers around me.

Chiiiiicken...really unhappy with myself. I hv the feeling that the damn EMO me is coming back...
Feeling so emo tat i ate 3 scoops(approximately) of icecream. 3 different flavours each....corn, durian and vanilla. Ate a lot of other things too.
Hais..for now..
I just wanna be alone....
I think I m goin to be quiet in class again..

urgh!

Tonight is a bit funny...
There were like so little people online. The 2 usual ppl who i use to chat with were also offline. =.=" Wonder where everyone go...

Had quite a tiring day...the CIG is back again. Hais..

How have RP help me to improve? Recently, I have some thoughts about how RP change me. Now I understand why I should respect others' opinion. Previously, all I know is to respect others' opinion. U see the different?

In relate to my self-being, I have not change my attitude towards people who wanna act cool or bossy. The same old line applies to these people(ever since sec sch)...that is: What are YOU going to do when Mr.Cool take action on you?!
Lol...it looks somehow lame and nonsense, but seriously...I dislike people who act 'cool'. My line determines violent...which means let's see who's cooler. Sounds like an idiot? Maybe. I am not gonna fight with these ppl anymore...just dont go over the limit. ;)

Just to revive yesterday's entry on 1 month to live.
I wonder what if it is true...?
What am I going to do?
How will I achieve my aims in life?
What are my stepping stones?

I think I would probably make a confession to the girl I like, I just need to let her know. Spend time with her during the day, spend time with family at night. Hug all my colleagues goodbye and quit my job. In school, try to make my classmates happy. Help them if I can afford to. Do some make-over and feel good. Watch anime with my ninja friends. Make my mom happy. Tidy up my rooms. At the last day, I would say, "Thank you everyone...I love you all. You gave me so much happiness, more than what I can give in return. All I want is everyone around me to be happy. So let me leave with happy memories. and when I say I am getting old, this is what I mean...I can't live much longer. haha."

Hais...

I am thinking of getting myself the good knee-support from guardian...it's gonna cost be 70 bucks. But anything below $100 for a recovered knee. :D

Tired

I need oxygen...i cant breathe...
I need a break...i am so tired...

Sat & Sun was so tiring. The stupid promotion make me feel so stress. The new staff make me even more stress. What's more? The customer ordered so many ICE-CREAMs!
I wanna cry sia....:( Damn stressed.

Stressed over wushu, ninja, work...social life, own appearance...many things ar. Even my own health, like my knees..and something else.

Okok...last nite, my friend from yr 2 ask me on MSN. She was like EH EH, halim!^3
haha. She said she dreamt of me. A sad case.
In her dream,
I told her I hv a month to live.
But she tot i was just joking.
So she dun care la..
then later she saw my face in the newspaper..i died.
Then she sad la. haha

So when she woke up, she wanna sms me and stuffs. Ask ppl abt me. haha
Sweet huh? haha..see? It shows that I am very good leee...haha. No la...just wanna share some fun

Anyway...sometimes I feel so pain in my knee. Serious ar...it's sooooo pain. It's my joint. CB...especially now, when the weather is so cold...it's raining, oh damn it!

Wushu today was quite bad. I tried to do cartwheel w/o hands i ended up doin somersault..and sat down when land. haha. I need to be fast. Jumping kick hurt my knee again. AHH!! Stress! haha

All I wanted to do is to peace them. Hais..

Ninja..tis sunday...likely to hv sparring. ArgH! But i got work..i scared no energy to fight. HAIss.....I olady say i wanna work on Sat, he gave me Sun and Sat.

Okla...really cannot tink properly now...tired. goodnite :D

END

Life sucks for me. I dont seems to be getting along well with anyone.
What's life when all i do is wander around by myself?

Cut myself, kick some butts....nah.
The total truth is...i m always trying to smile tho i dont feel like it.

Ruined life...I should just kill..

Maybe I am a lil bit emo now.

I am nothing now...
Get a knife and just kill..
Draw a sword and slash..
live in the woods
and be happy.
Born to stay alone...quiet...
I have gave up being positive
the light isn't bright
instead it is emitting darkness
It's time to bleed...

These r just words tat r in my mind now. Must get control of myself before i go insane..

AHH!!

AHH!! ARGHH!!!
I dunno how to start my blog...i just feel sooo 3897828728947 as in @*#@@#&#^%#%#@#.

I think it's probably because I am very TIRED. Yesterday...go pray, then work, then celebrate HR. =.="

Today, i work morning, go ninja-do then go my uncle house. =.="

I am stress w/ myself...my abilities/capabilities... r decreasing. Hais...in a way I am mad abt smth that cant be undone, then is my injured knees.

Today spar...boring. Nothing happen...no injuries or anything. Tho my opponent manage to punch me in the stomach, it has no effect...but feel like a loser. As much as I want to kick his face....I tried to be lenient in such a way that I didnt go near him before kicking him. It's just to practise my moves. I was also quite distracted with my new acquired knowledge...."I want to go toilet" in mandarin.
But I wonder why Shihan stop the match when the best part is coming up...i was so low in my stance...it makes me feel so fearless and light.

I AM DAMN StupId!! LOUSY!! WEAK!!!....ARHG!! I dont seems to be able to b a martial artist..look at me...injured knees...kena punched and unable to block/dogde/counter the slow strike. That's it... i m nothing.

Really...the person who made me pissed off the most is MYSELF. useless...useless...

Bad sign...~

Let me first just share what I want to share.
On Tuesday, I actually went shopping...by myself. =.="
I must say I hardly do any shopping. haha..but since my mom insist i go buy clothes and stuffs...oh well..SURE. But under one condition, I go alone.

So yea...bought some clothes...well, just to express myself. :D

Did some photoshopping to express myself...

Feeling stressed abt myself. Today in sch, felt a bit crossed.
I decided to skip wushu...but still went for it for a while...I need to vent out some anger. Ended up kicking soccer ball..and the wall.

Recently, been in bad mind. Feeling vex...I even manage to create a motion picture of myself jumping down the building, commit suiciding. Today I felt like kicking the light switch and tables in the class.

I've been thinking...i think she's right.

Went home....nothing to do....sian, so I decided to clean the fan....but instead I broke it. I already tried to be careful but I think I overuse my force. =.="

28 is Ninja grading. Damn it...it clashes with wushu performance. Also, ninja grading got sparring if i not wrong. So what is goin to happen is I hv to create a combo move using punches instead...my knees are injured to kick so much.
I hope the wushu performance is at noon...so then i can cabot and go for ninja.

I am told not to go for martial art classes for 2 weeks. THat's wad the boring doctor said. Sianz la. It really feel weird when i didnt got for martial art class. So i didnt digest his advice. I went for wushu and today ninjado.

Sat
Quite slack...i went home early...working can sometimes make me sian. We were playing with names....spelling it backwards. haha. Then one of my colleague wanna transfer to another pizza hut outlet. So sianz...

Abt 3-4 ppl leavin the place liao, leaving me with the newbies. I am think of leaving too...but i need to find a job with better payy n flexible hours.

Sun
Morning was amazingly quite stressful, cos' there's lots of foreigner and big group customers.
Ninja-do....left with no energy...tired. Somemore got duck walk..aiyoo. ugh! Find myself being so weakk.
I cant do the 45 degree sweepkick. Knee pain sia...
Serious ar....having knee injuries sucks. I feel like lifting heavy weights and exercise more. I m not in good shape anymore. Havent been exercising for weeks or months. Damn it...
No sparring until grading day. But then, got pushing. Argh...i scared my spinal cord pain again. I was damn weak lor today. I hv to push two ppl. haha. Rachel the specs dunno wat happen. haha...they say i kept spinning. lol. Really no attention of doin so but..dunno why i did it. It makes victory easy to earn. lol.

I feel soo stressed of myself. So weak, fat and slow n not talkative. Damn it...

Days pass

HAPPY BiRTHDAY FIRA! :D


There's a lot i wanna say...but some of them r lost...i mean i forgot la. haha. STM

okok..
Monday
Laugh a lot...that boya la. Nonsense upUP and away. So yea...it was nice to laugh. Then went to wushu, depressing....many thing cannot do. Even Jabez has improved..but I am like so way back. I can't so proper cartwheel...I cant jump kick cos' of my knee, I cant butterfly jump also due to my knee. Then I feel like a loser.
comic IG has been dismissed. Now I need to learn to draw by myself.
Did the plan with the class the night...including the behind the scene.

Tuesday
I feel so fatigue. Not enough sleep..damn frustrating. All the clothes does not seem to suit my mood..so ended up with RP shirt, blue jean and cap...the normal casual wear. The preparation behind the scene was a bit messy. haha.

Anyway...went for my course meeting. It was damn cool la...I mean the project yr 3 is doin. I like the movie with animation. Cool sia! :D
Then I realised that I can do my own portfolio now. :D I got my interest wad. But i do not hv macromedia flash :(

Went to Woodland Point with some of the class....secretly preparing for the surprise. Abdil and esther....wahhh so jialat. haha..anyway...everything went quite well.
And do I smoke? haha....it's up to u to find out.

Relief faci today, I feel so bored la. There's one time this faci just sit there dunno for how long, type type. It's damn sian la...I dunno what she was typing la. It's like so damn slow...and we were all quiet. At least say what she wants la...until 1 of us went to continue with another discussion...and then she ciao. alamak...sian.

I hv not been exercising lately...feeling damn hooligan for being a martial artist and not keeping myself fit. I hv not been practicing either...how lousy!!! Arghh!

Knee oso siao...aiya...havent go see doc. Tml think i goin to see doc abt my knee. It is not serious. It just feel some twinge of pain occasionally. I am just trying to be safe than sorry.

Sad

these few days...
I m experiencing stress....I feel sad. I dunno why, but just sad.
I am bad at drawing...but I wanna draw.

Today, my manager asked me...why I wanna quit. I feel a bit annoyed. Who the hell reveal that fact? I say, I want more experience. I olady told him I wanna go do the kitchen...he says not yet. However, the new service staffs know..most of them. I, being one of the senior, dunno. =.="

Of course that's not all the reason why I wanna quit. Other factors include the typical conflict among the colleagues. Above all these, I still hv not given any notice of quitting. And oh, I sense some anger from my manager when I kept quiet during he ask me the qn. He was like, "I am asking you, why you wanna quit?". Whatever la.

The morning was not busy but rather stressful. I was alone for just 30 mins and there goes the takeaways n dine-in customers. It was damn irritating lor. Takeaway customer, placing order...then one come to dine-in...then waited at the entrance. Then nvm la...then another custome come....just go in. So the waiting customer oso follow and take their seats their own...stupidly..as they did not take the menu with them. Guess what? After the takeaway customer, another dine in customer at the entrance, so I serve them. The other 2 customers who went in by themselves ask for the menu. =.="...okok. I know. it's normal.

Then afternoon, more stress...being a cashier, I hv to deal with take-away customers, cashiing outs, drinks, ice-cream...and sometimes seating customers. So there's one time that i was doin an ice-cream. Then this unpatient customer call from behind, "HELLO!? Can you bring us to our seat? Somebody?" =.=""
Irritating...for goodness sake, wait for a while...ice-cream can melt. I oso feel irritated with my colleague who went to the kitchen. So i hv to serve this nonsense.
tat's not everything...I was told to open a cake, and light it up...(i was like...hais..okkk)....ANNDD sing birthday song. I was like wth. I m willing to do tat but I feel as tho it's too much. I m already irritated when she call me for a seat, then a cake, lit up, and finally sing. I really no mood to sing lor. How to sing when I am irritated?

No choice...I am doin report n counting cash when she call me for the cake....or not another disturbance. =.="
Nevertheless, I still did a good job..well, at least I rate myself like dat. Cos' I did some introduction to the bday guy and then even sang for him...pIanGz!!=.="
And it was out of irritation.
Whatever.

Ninja-do. I am stress...I hv 2 injured knees. I forgotten lots of move. I am sad la actually. It's mainly due to my knee injuries. I feel so weak...sad. Just emo can?

Then thinking of wushu tml. Will i b able to do my best.

Argh...now it's 1:08am...I am thinking abt sch tml. Panda eyes? FCUKiNG iiRritating!! tired? sleepy?! ARghhH! I feel so stress...I feel like hurting myself...like jump somersault and landed on my back, breaking tables with high rising kick..etc

One of my knees is hurting now even as I was lying down typing this shiting entry. I just feel sad.

No no

FRIDAY

Haha...problem was boring.
I skipped wushu lesson. My knees la...
So i went for comic IG meeting instead.

There're so many ppl...i feel a bit outcasted. They were all like a bit...too high. haha.

Even worse, I can't draw...and we were all grouped. I feel like i m the only ass who can't draw over there. :(

SAT
Boring...not so busy la. Good.

me

first n foremost.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ESTHER! :D

Monday
Wushu, I got my kun(pole). It was too long for me, so the coach sawed it for me. :D
I am getting better at it and catching up with the rest.
The fact that I did 2 set of frog jump in Ninja-do on Sunday, made my left thigh pain. Not forgetting that I also did not put on thigh support. So there, in wushu, my thigh injury spreaded to the knee. Thus, I got 2 injured knees now. Actually, my ankle oso pain but somehow it went off after the training.

Tuesday
I forgot to eat in the morning. So I was fasting the whole day...with no food intake. lol. Also, I lack sleep. It makes me so frustrated. In the class, I am suffering from my injuries together with some twinge of pain in the heart...or was it the lung. =.=" Dunno what's wrong with my health la.

Haha...it was fun la. The whole team chiongz and all play photoshop :D
Boya help me with my photo...I need to learn la. haha. Esther the stardust nice sia...she oso another pro.

Wednesday
Again...all ppt was compile together...and there goes our photoshop again. Haha..
Went to get present with Fira. :D We were so indecisive. haha..thanks to her friend la. Decided to buy meowmeow. Thought it really look like her...in red and she likes meowmeow...always draw meowmeow. haha :3

Thursday
The plan worked well. :D Glad that it got well. Thanks to the whole class who made it successful.

Boring

In workplace, talked abt other work. :D I m thinking of changing job la. lol.
This female colleague talked abt her female environment work...so good pay. So my male colleague n I acted gay with her...to show that we're fit to join the female workforce. k..lame. lol. Brought garlic bread with me.

Ninja-do..smth new. Being taught to throw dagger. I hit none sia. LOL. Merging with Sengkang Ninjas next wk. Hmm...and was told no sparring for the time being with the sengkang ninjas....to prevent unnecessary injuries. =.="
Volunteered to do 2 sets of physical training for my team is short of 1 person. :D
I force myself to be strong. lol. After all that, I still say I got energy...yea right. lol.

Went home, go jurong point... saw my uncle at court. Tagged along...lol. He was looking at com, so i wanna follow la....i oso like com wad. lol.
I think I m goin to save money to buy desktop. Wahhh...i need to work more...or better still, better job. Saw this shop...called 'All Bag' but...selling shoes as well. =.="

On way home, saw this 2 vehicles. Lorry n a taxi. This lorry damn stupid la...always so near to the taxi..then this taxi wanna reverse...and hit the lorry front bumper. Then wanna complain...walao...stupid lorry apek.

haaha...tml sch.

Long Long nvr upload

It's been such a long time ever since I updated my entry. lol.
Let me start with my skin. My previous one is damn lame la. And I failed to be someone better. But who cares.

okok. Today is the end of the first week with my new class. W45G.
Day 1,
the morning atmosphere was really damn sian la. I quickly wanna make the class feel united, so I talk nonsense on MSN when uncle stephen did the mass convo.

Day 2,
By day 2, i tot it was already how many days has passed. No kidding. It's like i know my classmates liao. I can remember their names..most of them :P
Ironically, in my own team, I feel tat i was quieter. ..lol. Not cos' I cant b noisy, I just dunno what to talk abt...and dont wanna b an irritating bugger. LOL

Day 3,
All my teams were of ppl who r older than me. =.=" I feel so slow. =.=""

Day 4,
Maths was easy ar. Fadzlee photoshop tutorial. :D haha...this guy looks so hiphop but veri funny personality. LOL.
And by this day, I already go break fast with 2 malay friends.

Day 5,
First time work with Fira. She good at making things sounds funny la. LOL. :D Facilitator was orite to me la...just too many qns and naggy at 3rd meeting. lol. And then, went for wushu. Learn more of staff, and told coach to buy me the staff(kun) and the case. :D Going to practice myself. :D

=============================================
Highlights:
May Jun, from orientation day, is the same class as me :D. She more talkative now! :D
Fadzlee, fierce n hiphop looking. But very funny personality. HAHA..
Yihan, ex-wushu members! :D Tuesday to Thursday...with her, same team! haha!
Esther, cool n quiet but cute personality. Reminds me of this person in a forum. lol.
=============================================

So overall...the class was totally new. Different ppl. And most of them r smart smart type. Haiss...got straight 3 Bs. =.="
I dunno why...but i just feel so frustrated..scared..and a bit sad.

Imaginative

Sat
Full shift...so sian. Morning cashier. TOOpid! :D
I wonder how many kg is 20 litres. I've been carrying tat 20 litres liquid whenever it's finished. It's heavy la. Aiya...1 thing for sure...it is more than 10kg. I think i must train more.
Oh ya...I lost my labeller or wadever it is called. And my salary...okok la...cos' i work 3 days straight fullshift before end of August.

Sun
Wahhh...back pain sia. Must b that 20 litres liquid. Always backpain the next day after carrying it. Guess what? To make me even more irritated, the restaurant was so boringg..no students!?! lol. Got students very fun. Then yea...i feel so weak...time was crawling slower than a snail. It's such a hell!! Backpain...ahh!! Oldman mah.

Then finally, 4pm. I did the cashier stuffs and reports. Ok..sigh. Finally it's OVER! :D
Then withdraw money...to do concession again. Then to ninja-do. Withdraw at jurong point again. Cos' MRT one damn the crowded. Paid Ninja-do fee b4 goin for lesson. :D
Ninja-do. Fun la. :D
Kick yoyatsu and manage to evade attack. :D But i must practice the other side.

Night, I hv been chatting for quite the longest time i ever did.we talk abt imagining stuffs. lol. Nice.
Been thinking of making new combo moves. :D

Realised...

I realised that everything tat has pass goes through like a dream. Why am I sayin this? Cos' I cant remember what happened to me the pass few days.
Let's see..

Tuesday
I know my internet contract finish today. So i decided to go to the centre at bugis to change to wireless. Spent $100 altogether for the modem. Good thing I hv saved some money. :)
But I hv some problems doin the configuration. lOL.
okok...i now remember something. It was like shopping day...I bought some sort of rubber shoes, hoping tat it is suitable for wushu trainings. Then bought another cap. :D
Now I am broke. lol.

Wednesday
Work night shift. Slack the whole day. Night shift was orite...and i was the fuking cashier. Oh oh...I realised i hv used all my money in my wallet. I got 15 cents now. HAHA...how pathetic. But nevermind my salary coming soon. :)
Night, i ate pizza...only the toppings. The dough make me feel so bloated.

Thursday
Today working 12 to 8. lol. I wanna escape from cashier but failed. I still hv to bcome cashier until 6pm.lol.slack la.
Been singing Shangrila by Chatmonchy. lol. Learning to sing japanese.

Adventurous

Saturday

I was working full shift. Again, I was told to be cashier. Talk crap with my colleague. It was quite sian in the morning shift. Night shift...busy but fun. But someone always think that she's soooo right and exaggerated so much. It spoilt my night a bit. But oh well...I'm just too bored of it.

Went home..so crowded at the night market. Then this guy drops his stuff before boarding the bus. Oh well...I went to take it and tap him on the back in the bus. He very polite lor...and thanked me. :D So nice hor? But i hv to got off the bus la...cos' it's not the bus that i wanna ride.

Sunday (today)
Slack in the morning. Toasted some bread for my mom and me. Watch TV relaxly. :D
Then went to Toa Payoh to meet Kailing there. WoaH...she's damn formal and chio as always. It's about a business 'job'. I am still considering...:D
She's so much more talkative and cuter than before. :P

She promised me the manager tat will explain to me will be a girl. LOL. I keep telling if girl, i like. Lol. Actually, I don't care la. The manager turns out to be a guy. =.=" LOL. He talked so much...lol then I late for Ninja-do.

Ninja-do. Wahhh...different place, small somemore. But nevermind, it was still fun. Did handstand w/o support but fell and hurt my knee + toe. According to ShiLing, I could have landed properly but someone actually hold my leg(trying to save me from the fall) so I landed on my knee and my toe just swing to the floor while my knee joint was acting like a pivot. Haiss...now both knee pain. Still considering whether or not to go for wushu tml.

:D

Relax...

Today went to wushu...tired due to work..but aiya, I dont wanna waste my life at home.
In wushu, the male coach was training us. I am getting more flexible. :D WeeEEeee...
But my jumping remain the same. At least I learn the right way to jump. I still need to practice my sweep kicks. My speed was not there. Maybe I should be faster and spontaneous in my movements. Coach say I am very forgetful....alamak...sorry la, I old liao..

Haha...linking to that, he taught us some taichi. :D Wow!! It's FUN! Really, no kidding! It makes me relaxxxxx... :D

After that, went to register for a workshop...hope can get in..=.="

Then go workplace...rest there and go home. :D

It turn to be the unexpected..

The first thing that came to my mind when I woke up was "damn it...another day of boredom".

As usual, I went to work boringly with me in my jungle of thoughts...and was told that I am going to be the cashier. Getting used to all the nonsense. However, :D, my cheeky side started to dominate my dull side when I see students! :D lol...and I mean chios and cuties :3

lol. I know it's a bad habit to be cheeky with them but as long as it brighten up my day to serve customers, what harm does it do? HAha. I just appreciate their present because they're usually nice. That's why i am happy. My colleague was oso one of the factors that contribute to my spirit.

So I was also crapping just now.

Been thinking of finding a 'side job' like flyer distributor or smth like dat. Thinking of finding it for my third wk of holiday. I still owe my bank savings $400. =.="
I want a better paid job and the time to be flexible...=.=" Dunno how...

Hais...tomorrow wushu. My legs are still a lil bit tired from the 3 days standings. BUt I think I'll still be able to be at my best performance....i hope.

Let me for once...

I have had enough.

Let me just voice out some shits.

Firstly, I am sick of being an 'ab-norms' - being too different from others that lead me to loneliness.
Secondly, I ain't scared of YOU! So dont you get in my way.
Lastly, if you ever want something, you'd better show me that you deserve it!
=========================

Yesterday work, Today work, tomorrow work. So I don't think I have much to say except for the boring days. Work...it was darn fucking boring.

Ruining my life

This morning...slept like pig the father. Late for wushu...abt 4mins? Along the way, I bought some snack...so call breakfast. My plan for the day is to submit my photoshop masterpiece to the sch, catch up wushu skills that i missed on Fri, get my haircut and have fun at home.

So yea...wushu i got tired very easily. My stamina sucks when comes to running. Only 2 rounds I get tired liao. =.=" Can't imagine how I am going to survive in NS. Then practice changquan. Wahh..missed lots of new things. Even for staff!

After wushu, went to outside W2 building to use the power supply there for my laptop. Took a look at my masterpiece and made a little changes to it. Then sms-ed Carolyn to know where her activity is located. Coincidentally, she was at W2 building too. So i do my stuffs. Just as i finish doin my stuffs, it was 2pm. It's also the end of Carol stuffs, I sms-ed her so maybe can walk to MRT station together.

She went to clementi too. Just accompany her around cos' i dont wanna end my day so fast. Then I went to had my haircut. It's just for the sake of my job. I dont know how to answer the barber when she ask how u want it to be cut...0__0". Totally clueless about hairsyles. She prompt me so much...=.=" sorry miss. She's nice.

Then walk around the night market. See caps and shirts. Sianz, too ex. Went home and help mom fix the curtain and ate like pig. Had some fun and now typing this.

If I can't be useful to myself, I should make myself useful to others.

I feel like quiting life...

You know what, blog? I am a bit sad actually. I dont feel good living this way. I am just emo, i think. The image that always form in my mind is myself walking alone to my destination. I feel so dull. How long will this psychological hoax going to stuck in my head? Or is it really true?..i am alone.

I can feel myself fading every second. The feeling of being outcasted by the society makes me feel frustrated. I am just running towards my goal...feeling sad, frustrated and lonely along the way. Seriously, what would make me feel better is to be at the top of a building seeing the beautiful and colourful lights of the city. I don't mind being alone like that..but of course with my weapons, pen, paper and lappy. Besides, hardly anyone likes being at the rooftop right? (*A friend just told me: You are crazy.) So at least I have somewhere to go to...and a reason why I am always alone.

Back to work, my manager told me to do something about my hair. Hais..I do not know how to style it. And whenever I had my haircut, i feel damn irritated...I will look like a kid...and uglier than an ugly duckling. Tues - Thurs...full shift I chiongz. Why? To get good pay for the coming sept. And it is going to be a bit risky for me...cos' there's lots of new faces. Which means I will have to be a cashier. Tedious!! :(

Ninja-do, I am more serious in being ninja-like. But I can't help using feelings to trigger my attack. I mean, I will let my opponent make me angry before I can actually have the urge to beat them. I guess feelings is the strongest power. In real combat, you're just fighting to defend.
In relate to this, I have been chopping and punching the walls of my workplace whenever it's not busy. Got some blisters. I remembers the first time I tried to train my hand was in primary school...punched till bled. Interested in ninja ever since a child...haiss. I was so bloody stupid and really wasted my life back then. Damn it!

I feel that I am being useless to myself, therefore I wanna try to be useful to others. I still cant elaborate or understand that line that i just wrote. I wonder what I mean...

The reborn of using photoshop

Today went for photoshop workshop. :D LOL...so fun. Well...I am just there to learn the basic la. :D
I went for E-card workshop in secondary sch...same, use photoshop. Gosh! I forgot what was taught. HAHA...
I was also taught to play with words by Ivan from Sgedulab forum. :D I just need to learn more. It's part of my course anyway. :D

So today...whole day play with photoshop...and that's it! :D HAHA
Therefore, I will post a survey...on Relationship. :D
There's an encoded name


1) Single, Taken, Naked, or Flirty??
- Nakedddd!! WOO!! :P

2) Are you happy with that? ~
- With what? NakEd? NahHhh ~

3) Have you ever had your heart broken?
- Semi-broken if u ask me. HAHA!

4) Do you believe that there are
certain circumstances where cheating is
ok?
- YES!! HAHAHA!

6) Have you ever talked about marriage
with another person?
- Yes.

7) Do you want children?
- Hmm..beEn thinKing abT that~

8) How Many?
- pIaNGz! None of ur buSi-ness

9.) Would you consider an
adoption?
- nah...not coOl

10) If someone liked you right now,
would you want them to tell you?
- Of course. Just voice iT out! :D

11) Do you want someone you can't have?
- LOL. If i cant have, why would i
want? HAHA...but i hv someone tat i
wanna hv anyway...sadlY she Is froM
another InstitutioN. :((

12) Have you fallen in love?
- err...I thInk so? lol.

13) Do you believe in celebrating
anniversaries?
- Nah, It's a waste of my lifE with my
partner. haha.

14) Do you believe that you can change
for someone?
- Yes. :D

15.) Is it a good day?
- Oh yea! PlayeD with photoShop!!


16) Have you ever broken a heart
before?
- HAHA..nah!

17) Does your ex still have feelings
for you?
- LOL..this is not a qn for me to
answer. :P

18) Do you still have feelings for
them?
- Refer to 17. :D

Sacrifice...

TODAY:
I started off with today and then from Fri to Mon. :D
Today, felt lazy to go sch...but again..kept thinking of 'CLASS HEAVEN' and the confirmation email to go for photoshop workshop made me go to sch. It was boring. I was being so unlike the self when I was in secondary school...that is CRAPPING. :D
Shufang gave everyone 2 TOO little dolls. :D haha...I like the black voodoos!!~~ so I exchange with some of my classmates to vOodOoo DoOlLl! :D I had one that looks like a ninja and the other that look like a dead spirit. :D it was COOL lor..but i dunno why my friend say it's scary. haha.



17/8 - Friday

Went to sch, and to wushu. Played soccer again. High kick and landed on my back. It was ouch. lol. As usual, I am so careless about my physical conditions when playing sports. Bled my elbow and fell many times. I was damn physically tired after that. During the training itself, I can't do much. Going home, had a bad ache. haha. Normal la. Forgot many stuffs. Lol. Watch my performance vid. It sucks like fuk. It's a wake up pill for me. I can't let my pain hold me back. Time to fight.

Saturday
Aching...but went to work at 10am. lol. It was torturing for me. Lots of customer. The whole day was like not relax. Furthermore, there were many new faces...so it was difficult for me to cope. I dunno how to describe la...but it makes me feel so irritated by their performance, but what to say...I am in no position to say anything and I dont even think they're willing to learn. They even ignore what i told them. =.="
That was just at the morning shift. I am working full shift.
So the night shift, customers are as usual at its peak but I am lucky to have more experienced colleague to be working with me. It makes the job much easier...and it's a fair match between the customers and the staffs. :D

Sunday
Working in the morning. Good thing that there weren't many customers in the morning. Or else I dont think I hv energy to go for Ninja-do. :D
Nevertheless, it was tiring la. :D
Ninja-do, I got my short stick and my belt. :D Wahh..the pattern was quite ok la. Easier than dagger. The kicks also alright la...fair enough, not so hard not so easy. :D
After that, we had some cakes cos' it was Genta/Kenta's birthday. lol. Dunno how to really pronounce his name. Happy BdaY! :D They want be to bash him...but I was too soft-hearted laaaa.. LOL.
Then Joel(ex-ninja) also came. WahHh...miss him! haha..especially his laughter..veri funny!! HAHA.
I hope he can join back one day.. *sigh*
Anyway, go home...exhausted. The thought of tomorrow having to go to school made me feel lazy. Have not been exercise for days. lol.

Monday
Morning...was DAMN lazy...to go sch. Don't feel like coming. But i got wushu, and vb is my fav module. And the thought of getting some cakes from faci motivates me to come. HAHA. SO yea, i came and had some fun. The problem was easy la. :D
Then, went for wushu. Played soccer again! :D HAHA..
i think that I am better than usual. I was thinking more about to succeed rather than the injuries during the process. It was 2 seniors' birthday...and had cake after the training! :D

============================================================

That's all folks!!

Class HEAVEN

Last few days with different facilitators. We had different types of 'farewell gifts' from them! :D
Yesterday was a fruttt cake. It was delicious! :D HAHAHA...yummy!! So long never eat cakes!!! :DDDD
TOday was a CHEESECAKE from my science faci. LOL. I think he can start a business liao. His cheesecake was super DELICIOUS ShiOk!! Seriously, I never tried such a delicious cheesecake before!! I am lucky to be his Student. HAHAHAHA.
Then came my enterprise faci. WAHH. Brownie! :D LOL. I've always wanted to try brownie! Even in pizza hut! But hardly got it..and not that nice either. Then this enterprise teacher bought a giant brownie for all of us! :D SoOoOOOOooooooo YUM YUM!!
:D
I wonder what's next. HAHAA. I can describe how happy I was to be eating cakes. ...geeee..

TOday wushu, walao...tiring sia. Then learn weapon. I hv chosen staff. HAHA. And then always want to hit the floor, I hit my toes. LOL. HAHAHA....pain pain pain. Played soccer, and I was like jumping kick....and fell on the ground again. Body pain sia..lol. And walao...forgot my Long-fist pattern. =.="...ChangQuan.

So anyway, I am thinking of buying staff so can practice at home. :D I need to be stronger...I am not letting small bruises to stop me. I saw my performance video. lol. I am not going to look weak or hurt anymore unless it's really unbearable.lol.

I feel so lazy

Aiya...blog blog...Today I was having dilemma whether to skip class. Intentionally, I want to...and do not want to come to sch. On the other hand, I had told a friend that if she needs help in VB, just ring me. So that means I hv to be in sch. So i went la. Dunno whether to skip class and stay in the library or just go to class.
On the way to sch, saw some of my classmates. Aiya...I was spotted liao. lol. Must as well dont skip class. I do not hv a firm decision of skipping class. That was why when I saw my classmates I decided to go to class.

lol. Lazy me. Tml is communication. I am always looking forward to make video clips...but dunno tml see how la. lol. I was just nonsensing in class just now. So sian. Flu a bit.

VB was more fun la. lol. Yesterday I did VB instead of focusing in class. I even did VB after lesson in library. :D
Aiya...sianz. Work courses were cancelled and postponed to another date. Aiya...so mafan. I wanna go to photoshop workshop on 24th. :D
Finally, something tat is my course-related workshop hv been established. Later oso got 3D animating. WAHH!! I dun wanna miss them! :D

Aiya..forgot to do RJ..must do now. Bye!
Sayonaro!

Performance

lol. The performance was alright. I caught up at the last one. I kicked immediately after i turned and place my leg back to position. lol. paiseh. wadever la eh. :D

Anyway, I think I am getting to know more about J-pop. :D

Gackt - sexy voice and another cool guy that can impressed me besides that MJ.

Chatmonchy - A cute girl with a cute voice.

Here's Gackt



Here chatmonchy! :3


So meow meow! :D haha...

Also after my performance, I saw an angmoh band. Wahhh...I wanna sing also. lol. Not forgetting, martial art is not my only interest...I want to sing too! Animate! Draw! Dance! :D There...all 5! :D

Sayonara! wanna listen to chatmonchy cute voice. LOL.

Ahhhh...suffocating..

I keep smelling and tasting blood. I dunno whether it's my nose that is bleeding or my mouth. Or even worse...internal bleeding. Externally, I bled my elbow and toes.

Come to those later. Let's start with my morning. As usual, i felt so lazy to move or go to school. At the same time, I had difficulties falling back to sleep. So I decided to just get started with my day.

Went to school...science module. I was really talking nonsense but most of my teammates mistakenly thought that I know a lot. LOL. It's about physics. And was told that the problem is difficult. Hahaha. Who cares.

During our second break, we took picture...after lesson oso took class picture. LOL..

Wushu, I am becoming more ambitious to do cartwheel and some jumping kicks. Wait, before that, we had a soccer game. LOL. I'm too lazy to run after the ball, so I waited near the opponent's goal post to kick when ball comes. HAHAHA. Scored lousily...and scored only once. HAHAHa. I was as usual, playing with no rules and my own way. I like doing sweep kicks. AHAHA. Felt twice or more while trying to get the ball from opponent. haha..even in my fall, I refused to lose...and as usual, keep trying to steal the ball even though I was lying down. This is CRAZY. lol. My coach(female) was too scared to kick during i was in that position so I took advantage lor. HAHA.

Ok..next, the fun time was over...with injuries I do not realised. ...maybe my elbow and thigh.

Then the trainings, my jumping kick so like so fun and kinda cool. LOL. It was a failure but a cool one because I successfully landed. I think I can do it again. lol. I think that was when my toes bleed. Doing cartwheel, trying without hands, I just landed on my back like a slam. LOL. Hurt la...but not physical damage.

Lastly, rehearsing for Sunday's performance at Marsling. :D I caught up all the way until the last one. :D AHaha


lol..spot my mistakes. HAHa.


This one was taken in action...so it's blur blur...I was dead after that. (jk)
Lastly,
SAYONARA!

Day at its baby

I woke up at 6.46am today. But too lazy to start my day and went to close my eyes.
When I open my eyes again, it's already 7am. And lazily, I just lie down there thinking of how to win her heart. lol. Why think about that first thing in the morning? LOL. I just can't stop thinking about her. I mean I can stop thinking about her outer beauty because there're many familiar faces in sch...but I ain't sure whether I can find another person with such inner beauty as her.

7.15am - bath. Man, I would consider that as late. I am full of imaginations. My mind keep on playing scenes of fights and rescues, that is how my mind works almost every morning. My injured knee hurts every morning because it is not warmed up yet. So I had hard time moving. 8am left home. HAHA...see how imaginative I can be? lol.

okok...in school. So boring. I feel like i'm not needed in the group anyway. In fact, these few days, I don't know why I am feeling this way. I think I found my answer.

ANNOUNCEMENT: HAPPY NATIONAL DAY!
:D

Sunday, I am going to perform at Marsling CC. Easy to spot me...the only malay in wushu. :P

Selected Performer

Sunday,

Work busy...tiring. My injuries contributed to the exhaustion and make it worse. I dont care la. I persevered till the end of the day, that is after Ninja do.

Ninja-do, go there, slept b4 lesson started. lol. One of them commented that I come to sleep only. lol. Then had the sengkang guy taking the test late. I was reluctant to spar cos' tired n injured but deep in my heart, I wanna spar. lol. Julia was the one who was like encouraging me to spar. So i volunteered.

Again, I didn't fight...just defense but it was getting so bored that I decided to get myself some momentum movements i learned from wushu. Seriously, I am bad at the momentum thingy. LOL. I attacked several times and blocked his kicked and yoyatsu. I was not in the heat to attack violently. However, after the sparring, he claimed that I kicked his right rib. Opps...sorry.

I hurt my toes in one of the warming down. HAHA.


MONDAY

Lessons are boring as usual.
Wushu was fun. It was not as tiring as usual. Funny. I guess it was because the seniors were the ones who conduct the warming up session. :D But it was good. I am able to kick better. But my jumps and jump kicks are jialat. LOL. It's so embarassing la.

Then came the audition for performance on Sunday at Marsling CC. 9 were chosen. Oh well..I was one of the selected performers. :D Happy and fun. WeEeee...I like to perform. I am always a performer.

The PAIN is back

I feel frustrated with my injuries. My thigh aches again. My knee still in pain. My toe also the same.

Hais..

I need to organise my thoughts.

What I want to do:
1) Find better paid job
2) Make new blog where I write stories based on imaginations
3) Save money for router $200 (still saving)
4) Tidy up my cabinet
5) Organise my school stuffs
6) Do somersaults (with help of wushu)
7) Increase agility for martial art(ninja)
8) Be a good person and stronger
9) Work out

Aim:
1) Router
2) Digital camera (for myself)
3) More clothes
4) Save $300 (I owe my savings)
5) Buy desktop (pending)

Today was programming. VB that is. It got something to do with minesweeper which I am not so familiar with. Only saw people play but I do not know how to play. lol. The process of making this minesweeper game is so confusing yet it is fun. It's a headache but making the program and finding the solution itself was like a game. It is like a jig-saw puzzle, that is why I find programming fun.

Received a call from don't know who, say I enlisted for job or stuffs like dat. Aiya...receive so many familiar calls. Don't know to believe or not. I would be happy to work..but I am afraid of being pranked cos I really dont have time for such nonsense.

I find myself trapped in a world of emotions and fantasy. How I wish there are cool technology where I can be in a virtual world with bad guys...and I keep killing them. I can practice my martial arts there and do not have to worry of hurting anyone. A virtual world where there's people like you and me. Where I can actually make a relationship with the people. But it is going to be hurtful when I know that they're just virtual. =.="

So anyway, I just want to end my post for now.

The solitude

I have just eliminated some of my 'memories'. I have thrown some of the rubbish in my cabinet where I stored my secondary school stuffs. The worksheets all remind me of loneliness. Something triggers in my mind when I look at them - loneliness, useless, struggling for my crush, works, hatred, stressed, etc. Basically, most of it are negative. It brings back memories. Then read my essay about an article. I think I was very creative but the way I expressed it was not clear. My essay was in fact, quite interesting...it kept me reading till the end. It made me remember that I actually used to like writing stories based on my imaginations.

Anyway, today I bought strait times and read the recruitment page. I really want to get a better paid job. To be more specific, I NEED to! I feel like jogging a bit and train my martial arts now. But I don't know where can I do it. Hmm...this makes me feel WASTED. I think I have to make myself feel that I need to rest my body. My legs are really tired anyway.

Sunday, Ninja test. My yoyatsu let me down. My right leg could not lift high..but I force it and fell. But then, I still think that I will be promoted anyway. After that, went to eat dinner at KFC with the other ninjas. I used my staff coupon :D. Lol.

Monday, legs got worse. Tired...in wushu, I was surprisingly quiet and can't remember the patterns. I realised that I really need to rest.

Tuesday, I was supposed to go for the PM visit thing representing CCG(chinese cultural group) as I am a member of the wushu IG. but I did not turn up. Too tired.

Yet today, I feel like training. lol. Must rest. This friday, no wushu...monday oso no wushu. :D WOOO....Hope my legs are ready for the next training which will be on next Friday.

OFF day?

Wahh..today like not much worry. No work! No sch! But went for clementi wood speech day.

Morning was like so relax today. Wake up, still can lie down. lek lek only.
Went to CWSS. Wahh..alone sia. First time I felt being picked by a teacher. =.=" Name is confidential.

However, he was the one who led me to my seat. He ignore my 'comic relief' when i saw him...that's alrite. Then when I go to my seat, I sat and pul my chair front to hv a more comfortable view, he asked why?...in a unfriendly way like 'Why are u doin tat huh?'. Of course I felt annoyed. Of course I answer in my cool tone: "Cannot see.". Simple. Being a crazy freak, I am prone to step the chair..it's my mistake. Yet, this ass-cher was like "HELLO?!..." Oh come on, u dont need to act gangster. Can be a little bit nice anot? Is that how u treat a guest? Walao...if he decided to be more ass by pointing a finger on me, I would hv strike it off and leave the place. I'm just there to see my friends and certain teachers anyway...and obviously not him. As much as i want to show tat I aint scared of him, I still want to hv my fun with the people i wanna meet...so I decided not to fight his words and just gave in.

I saw Mr Tay. Lol...he say he would hv dance in the teachers day. lol. He wanna edit MJ songs if can la. So he asked me. I dont know how to mixed la...lol but i got the songs if he want. :D Gave him my number. :D I think he asked me because he either can hear me and wanna end the convo or he wanna concentrate on the performance or both. HAHAHA..it's alrite.

Saw the Mdm Fong. Wahh...she's funny as usual..and as usual, i'm scared to talk so much with her. HAHA...she's damn talkative one...she will talk until i run out of words. HAHA.
But good la. I ask if i could call him for help with science :D LOL.

After that, some bunch of us went to eat. From what i can remember: Elias, Yimin, Bc, Ma Aye, Jy...sitting on one table. :D it's fun to see the old jintaians again.
Then go home, ...make noise pollution. Then eat, 1 hour later, eat again...WAH..i think a day OFF is making me eat a lot. That is why I am making this entry so tat i dont eat so much. And tomorrow is my Ninja grading. AHH!! My forward yoyatsu is still not good!! :(
I think my kata pattern is alright la. Only my yoyatsu and rising kicks. DOnt' know whether tomorrow wanna spar anot...cos' my wushu friend say wanna come..I feel tat i should do some show(sparring that is). :(...hais...see how first.

Seeing my old friends is so fun :D

3 days post

Today:

Wahh...woke up late sia.7am woke up...then like lazy to move...close eyes...7:15, go start bathing. Wahhh...usually 6.30 go bath. Like so tired la...the day b4 working, then exercise.

Go sch, 5 minutes more then i will be considered late.
Feeling damn lazy and was not very focus.

Went for wushu,kicked another guy again. Thia time is the arm.

Thursday:
Went sch, then work.
WOrk like so sian...new staffs go behind and eat and smoke...like walao..2 senior workers outside. Nevermind...NEW rite? Give chance first la...let other ppl talk to them.

Go home...went to do my rj and exercise a bit. Getting fatter la me.

Wednesday:
Went for audition. Saw this small kid doing wushu. Wahh...he was like doin back flips and all sorts of move sia. Primary sch somemore. Wahhh...
Then the senior wushu gals was like: "SoO CuTE!!"
=.="
Some of my friends cant stop justifying us that only if we were informed abt 1 month earlier then we might be able to perform better. I hv no comments...no stand at all. lol.

Overall it was fun la.

Title-less

Sunday
It was a morning shift. Feeling so unmotivated after knowing my salary the day before. Late for 4mins and the KBox door was locked. Furthermore, there's some sort of conflict at the workplace. The KBox is also kind of irritating. My morning opening was kind of alright only that the bar was not really cleaned properly.

There was this ANGMOH teenager customers who came to buy a pizza. I am as nice as usual..but she was too nice to me. I always get freaked out when people are being so nice...especially when they're strangers! Why? Because I dunno what to do!
I was nice all the way...while she was waiting, she kept looking at me with a sweet smile which freaked me even more. I offer them a drink but only her little brother requested for one. I gave him for free (yes, we're allow to do that). Did my stuffs with them looking at me and that girl smiling at me. (I damn paiseh and panic lor...so scary). FINALLY, her pizza was out and i gave it to her. Before they left, her brother say, "My sister like you." I was like...speechless.
Lol..I think i should hv said, "I like her too." HAHAHA :P...but really la..come to think of it, she nice.

Ninja-do lesson. Many physical training but my favourite is the forward yoyatsu where one person hold a bottle on their head and the other ninja hv to kick it. NOT the head but the bottle. Many of us were scared of hitting the head so we went higher...EVEN higher than the bottle. I miss the first two tries but the third and throughout I was cool :P
Overall 3 out of 5 HIT.

TODAY
Morning, saw carolyn rushing for the train. She and julia always go to sch together. I wonder how they did it for 3 darn years. Even pw, emily and me did do that for long...only the first few weeks. I brought my 4.5kg weight with me to exchange for a dumbbell set(8kg per pair). It's so torturous to carry it all the way from home to RP. =.="

Anyway, boring as usual at PBL. And then wushu.
I injured my knee when doing the front sweep kick. Then forgot how to do cartwheel and then fell. LOL.
Ask for earlier dismissal again. :P Too lazy to continue...knee injured and cant be straightened.
YET, I went to CWP to change my weight for the dumbbell set. Argh..8kg..walao..I so weak sia. lol. That's why I must be strong. So with injured knee, my 2.8kg++ laptop bag and my injured knee, I went home. lol. Crazy.

I want to be renewed

I wanna be renewed..wah! I wanna find new job.
Wanna be renewed because my whole body is so weak now. The wushu training was so tiring. So many new things was taught. The jump kick was damn cool, but damn difficult. The training was to prepare us for the upcoming performance.=.="
Although today's lesson do not have much physical exercises, but it does contribute to the exhaustion.
And then, I made a LOT of accident. Not only to myself but also the other students. I accidentally KICKED 3 students during the training of the kicks.

First, I jumping kick a guy almost in the face but I managed to hold back a bit but still, kicked him knuckles.

Secondly, I sweep kick another guy forearms. At least this is not as bad as the first one where I apply more energy cos' i was so high.

Lastly, a jump kick to the head. =.="
Wahh..this one I really worried. Although I dont think i exert a lot of force but I could hear the 'thud' sound. pIaNgz...lucky he very nice and was fine. I decided to go away from other ppl...scared kick again x__X

As for myself, I almost re-sprained my ankle again. Scary.


So wanna find new job...I just find that my current job is becoming hard to earn money. I mean I need a minimum of certain amount every two weeks(salary). But I got a below minimum. With sch and activities, there's no way i can work for many hours.

And yea, bought the weight..but it is too big for me. I am thinking of changing for dumb bells set instead. =.="

Cry to succeed

<==TODAY==>
Totally slack in class. Was so high. Iron Maiden songs made me high. Decided to plan again. Tomorrow, I am going to buy wrist/ankle weight. Cost approximately $30. Quite light...only 2.25kg each. Or u can say 4.5kg per pair.
It's so hard to plan nowadays. My salary is decreasing. Hope I can find some temporary jobs while sticking to my current job.

I dont want to ignore my studies. It seems so useless to be entering class and out without getting what was taught into my head. I need to find time.

<==MONDAY==>
Wushu play soccer to train stamina. Jump and landed on my knee. Clumsy eh? Knee injured. Learn front sweep kick. :) Despite injury, I continue the training. Injuries r typical.


<==SUNDAY==>

Sunday, we were like having more physical torture. The ninja standard is up again. Well...I would say it's kind of NCC style, only more physical training than endurance training.
Spar..I was mentally unprepared. Nothing in my head. When i heard 'ayumitachi' from the referee...that's why my mind started to think...
"What the hell am I doing here?...Spar..okay..what should I do..Oh, I want to defend only.."
I was only blocking without attacking, but defense was too weak...my opponent kick me the weakest part. Damn it..and the match was over. Last week also the same. I can't let this show goes on like this...other ninjas looking at me like a weakling. Damn...but should I get more violent or still stay the same?
If I were to think back and reflect, it is not a big deal. It's partly my fault for not trying to attack and partly, my weak defense.
On the other hand...how do I look in that defensive mode? A weakling?

Turning back

I had a tiring sleep this morning. Weird eh? I was just feeling so sick. Dilemma, should I go to school or not? I got wushu somemore. sigh. After several considerations, I decided to go to school. In MRT, I used a lot of tissue...and a man beside me sneeze, I offer him too. But he refused.

That's not all. In class, I used about 4 packets or more. I felt so irritated. I have the feeling to let go of my work...but no. I can't. It's just isn't right. I force myself to be strong. Never give up. That's my principle. lol, actually this principle only apply on successes and not this kind of thing. So it's not counted. So anyway, I continued to help in any way I can. lol. My plastic bag was full of used tissue. haha....so sian. Bought wafer for one of my team member cos' she didnt had breakfast nor lunch cos' she doin the work. I was quite scared to buy at first because I olady ask if she want anything when I wanna go down to buy tissue. But arhh...I think i should take the initiative. Glad that she accepted it. Just that it got cold =.="

After class, another dilemma...should I turn up for wushu or not? This time I decided not to turn up. However, I still want to pay a visit to my friends there. :D
Guess what? Saw some special guests. At first, I saw 2 girls from other sch also wushu la. :D They say got others coming. :D I kind of like that :P. Last Friday, I did not come because I want to go take Olvl Cert. And I missed my chance of meeting Vincent Ng, 3 times wushu champion and Mediocorp actor. So, I thought why not I just turn up for the wushu lesson...who knows what might i see. :D
haha, I see some cool wushu guys too. Oh ya...not to mention those chio bu(s). :D

So in the end, I did turn up for wushu. Feeling damn weak after the lesson...bought tissue packet again and walk to MRT station and to home. I feel that I lack training...both wushu and Ninja. sigh...

After the talk

Gosh! Sometimes I don't really know why I have a blog. =.="
It's like all I would wanna post will be my emotions, daily story and let others to know more about me.
The thing is, it's so empty.

Oh well...I just feel like wearing a comfortable clothes and have someone to kick in the ass. Ok. What makes me feel this way? I am always imagining of a scenario of a group of friends walking together and was attacked. Then we are all able to fight.














(This is a picture taken during the end of wushu camp) ==I still like ninja :P==
Back to my post. Well..it is supposed to be that I am posing a ninja stand but..this picture is taken from wushu camp =.=". I like ninja ok?

Then I somehow got interested in goth fashion.

(source taken from: Wikipedia)
Not really interested in piercing but rather the black shades. Hair is cool la but i rather have a normal one. It is just so fun to express oneself. I am thinking of being more original.

Today had the same old boring module. And after class, i went for the photojournalism talk. That's how I decided to come up with today's post.
:D

This is after the talk. :D










And I have some unhappy time at work. I mean I really feel like changing job. I do not have my desired salary. This hinder me from establishing my plans and aims. I love to plan and need to plan or I feel damn useless. *sigh*

2 posts today

I feel a sense of success because my thigh muscle got better and today I was able to do split again. :D But my front split still need time because of my injury.

Oh shoot! I forgot to do cartwheel(side flip). lol. Must make sure I can. Did handstand again...I was able to balance a bit only. =.=" Think of training my ninjitsu(ninja) but cannot find a place or a punch bag.

Oh well...other poly seems to be busy with projects and schstuffs whereas mine is nothing much but only Reflection journal, quiz and evaluation. I wonder what would I do if I am in the student of other poly with all the projects and stuffs.

Using my advantage as an RP student, I am using most of my time to work, maximising my interest(martial arts) and reading. =.=" Seriously, in my sec sch I always find myself uninterested in reading because I think there are better things to do...that is study for Olvl.

Recently a new IG(cca) is form in my sch. A dancing martial art...Capoeira. :P Oh! DANCING! Just something that I used to like doing. I'm too old for it now...but I'm not too old for learning new stuffs! :P I feel like joining this IG...provided it didnt clash with wushu and some other IG.

I wanna meet new people! :D

Ninja Do

It's been such a long time ever since we sparred. Like I said, I am going to focus more on defense rather than offense. I did try to attack but I just feel not strong. It feels so awkward to attack when I am feeling that way. My defense aren't good. sigh. Oh ya. And I slipped and fell on my back. HAHA. I thought it was my pant being so long. But after I further reflect on it on my way home, I don't think that's the reason. I think I was doing the sweep kick 90 degree and pull back rather than the correct 180 degree. lol. It was a feeling that my legs were so cold and not heated...
Rachel sparred very well! She very aggressive. That small KFC girl also fought well. She almost kicked my face. HAHaha..and something else. :D


Then walked home with Rachel to MRT station. Felt bad. My mind was elsewhere most of the time. I really enjoy her company :D..especially after kena bantai by her.

The beast

Yesterday was very not my day. My mind is like having hatred and migraine again. The noise level was too high that I concentrate. I lost my mind...

Kicked my opponent during training. Used a "broken"(not solid) yoyatsu(ninja move) and kicked my opponent's face. I didn't punch him at all...cos' I'm scared I'm not able to control my strength. A kick in the face is enough to cut his lips. With that, I decided to back out and stop sparring with him. Relaxed myself and train with another person. I realised my mistake...hurting others just to vent out my anger..no use. Whatever for? My second opponent is just a practice.

Today, even though feeling headache, I tried to show a good mood of me. No one cares if I am bad mood and it makes me being hated..so what's the use?

Thought of staying in the library to make my own planning...but too painful in the head that I decided to go home. Dilemma whether to train martial art at the void deck or just exercise at home. But at home, i ended up making noise. =.=" Irony. Then I did my exercise but no martial art training.

Life in RP...it all depend on me. Hate being sentimental but can't help being one.

2nd July, Monday

Wah, the first thing I do b4 goin to sch was to check my letterbox. Walao...NS registration reminder again. I thought I registered liao. Hais...dunno what they want. Better clarify with my classmates.

Then my presentation today was like DAMN lousy lor. I tell u why lousy. Becauseee...during the breaks, I read and sleep and eat. Whatever I read, i dont understand...so i eat. Then when my members doin the powerpoint, I sleep. In the end, I can't talk so much. Aiya...I'm really sleepy la...dunno why. So tired suddenly. Told my faci abt it in my RJ.

Wushu, got some attention from the instructor. :D Today also learnt broad sword. Walao...i am so use to holding it the ninja way. =.="
I see some improvements. :D SO happy for myself. HAHA!

Seeing some imrpovements..

:D Today, I find myself being able to kick better with my injured thigh. However, I think I was so hard on myself that it became painful again.

Oh well...need to take the medicine again and hv my thigh relaxed. Rachel was not there just now. lol. But nvm, she's doin her project.

Today's lesson was like so much of an exercise. :D I like it. I wanna be stronger. :D
However, I think some of it is a bit dangerous. lol.

And then after the lesson, I was thinking of buying smth from IMM. SO i went to Jurong East. But at the escalator, I decided not to buy it cos' it's not so important. =.=" DAMN. lol. So regretted alighting there, I decided to walk around the Jurong Entertainment building wadever they call it. Oh ya...around that area too. Went to this cake place and was like interested in the durian cake. lol. Cost $10. Aiya...next time la. lol...not important.

So after walking aimlessly, I went home lor. GO back to workplace to take my shoes and home sweet home...and EAT.

Friday, 29th July

Hmm...I wonder how I can heal my thigh and turn it back to normal. Still not recovered yet. Although it doesnt hurt upon standing, it still hurts to kick or even stretch.

Damn emo sia...so emo me. Thinking of not going for wushu next Friday. Planning to buy some weight or exercise gadgets. And I am always trying to improve myself.

Please somebody, teach me how to be balance. I am always doing things by myself. I realised I don't have contact with the people around me.

What can be interesting?

Aiya. I think my posts r like quite boring sia. Always martial arts and my plans.
Let me try to be more interesting...i hope.

Today's module is science! WAOW! Hear that? It's science!! ...only that I don't know what does the lessson got to do with science =.="

We're told to use excel again. Do the speed and like probability. I wouldn't say it's stressful but rather difficult to answer the questions. So sian sia..lol. But I'm beginning to like the science faci. Everyone in the class makes a different in the atmosphere. :D Some of them r just cute and some r funny. lol.

Haha...yesterday's module was the worst lor. The relieve teacher was like so strict. He really treated us like an adult. Funny stuffs, he just stare. =.=" No laughter, no nothing. I really find that he is damn serious lor. We cannot laugh, talk or do anything except for staring at the screen and hear his mumbling. Maybe it's because of the age gap la. But anyway, abt half the class left the class after the second meeting. They were all pissed off. Now that i reflect what happen, I felt a little bit sorry. It was the time when he talks about being a good leader that I see some changes in his way of talking to us. He sounds more nicer. I guess he realised that he was not being a good leader himself. :D

Nevermind, i still think he can improve. :D SO anyway, after sch today...went to CWP to look for digital cam. It seems that it's all so expensive. lol. Luckily I save money sia..:D And then goin back to MRT station, saw that dumb green man again doin his robot stuffs. I must admit that it's the kind of robot moves some dancers use. :D

I went to IMM to look for another Digital Camera (cheaper and better). :D Anyway, I dont think my mom really go for quality or whatsoever a photographer would. So I dont mind buying her a non-Cannon brand. :D Oh wait, i havent bought it yet...the stupid promoter wasn't at the counter...damn irritating. Yesterday went there, he oso not there. =.=" The younger workers there r really not so nice. The old ppl r better. lol.

Training

As usual, Sunday after work is Ninja-do. Changed venue liao. :D I am becoming more stress with my thigh. There's so many stunts that I can't do and it is all thanks to my left thigh. Monday wushu, wahhh...really make me mad sia. I can't kick and do stunts properly. Because of this, I have the heat to get my thigh fully recover.

For 3 months, I have save $300 just to buy a bday present for my mom. Thought of buying her a DVD-TV player but I asked her between digital camera and the player, which she would prefer. She said digital camera. =.=" Ok lor. Of course I didn't ask her so directly, I blend it with some school stuffs so that she didn't suspect that I am thinking of getting her a present. In fact, nowadays, she's bugging me why is my wallet always empty. She kept bugging me to give me some allowance. I rejected. I wanna show her how a ninja do their stuffs. :D She totally think that I do not have money when I am actually saving them. Wait till she see what I actually have for her.

In relate with this, I find that my job didn't give me enough money that I need. Haiss...seems like I have to work hard again. My next aim will be a digital cam for myself and a router for wireless internet. =.=" Need to plan again. :D

No aims, no motivation. :D

Why? Why? What went wrong?....*sigh*

PS> Sorry for writing a long post...it's a 4 days post.

On Friday, went for wushu training. I really feel so sian with my thigh. It hurts whenever I do trainings. I decided to get myself thigh support. Went to Lot1 after the training and bought it. My other intention was to look for job there but forgot la. SO went to Jurong East...see my ex-manager.
She was like: Eh HALIM! *play with my hand as if I m a teddy bear* =.="
We talk talk abit. I just wanna see how she's doing. :D It's her lucky day...she saw another 2 of my colleague on the same day. ANd on that day...she was damn super happi cos' her outlet is not busy.

Saturday, work at 4. I feel super lazy actually. But just work. It's 16 june! So yea..my plan should end but it seems like i got a new plan. Haiss...i want a better paid job so i no need to work so hard. It's like I am working despite my injuries and the pay was not so satisfactory.

Sunday, morning work was quite bz. I didn't think much of preserving energy for my ninja-do class in the evening. Still had my thigh support. It's damn frustrating. In the class, I dont have much energy. I learnt new stuffs...stealth. Haiss..need trainings. Then there's pushing exercise where i was told to compete with another ninja from sengkang. =.="
I was really tired and weak. I find that he is not using much force but more to like slamming me on floor. I decided to slack oso. On one of the rounds, i closed my eyes just to relax. He was not using any force either. Suddenly, I opened my eyes and let out my force together with a shout. =.=" I dunno why i did that...it's like suddenly, i feel that I need to. He dropped on floor. In the end, we draw.
I went back to work to get my shoes. Looking at the messy situation, i decided to put on my uniform and work again till 10. hahaha...pity my colleagues.

Today,
I went to sch like an idiot. Looking very bored and lazy. I observed my surroundings. When reach sch, I looked at the hairstyles some students r using.
"Man...these arseholes really hv that fierce hair but they're actually nice ppl. Walao...why is he having this hair when he is so thin?"
Me, feeling so bored as always, went to the darkroom. AIya...why my classmates hate the light? I switched on la. Ate my bun.

Oh oh..cut short. Too long liao.
TOday wushu's training was not bad but I forgot many moves. My thigh is also one of the factors that i cant do some stunts. Still weary from training and work last nite..and morning sch. So yea...as per normal, stretches. Oh oh...my thigh become worse when I tried doing the cartwheels. HAISSSS....why!? Why does it have to be like this? So long, still not recovered yet... :(
I really feel so frustrated. I wanna see doc again.

Hahhahaha...despite that, I'm still happy that I can be happy. =.=" lol. Like wth am i talking abt? lol. Nevermind. Must always stay cheerful! :D