Hey yo,
I'm in class.. not doing well again. Morning PT was slack but I dont seem to be happy cos' I was invisible.
Then my pant zip spoil a bit, yet I am able to semi-fix it. When to buy food, Milo spilled, aunty gave the money anyhow and it went dunno where but i just relax.
Then in class, I feel invisible again. More like I have no mood. Took coffee.. not because I'm sleepy.. just hoping to get energy or high... or more like the need for drug.
I am lost. I am expecting more shit to come, the next thing I am expecting is my fyp team dispersing and vanishes to dunno where. Not happy with what's happening to me all these while. Things are never good, when will I find that joy and happiness.
No mood.... really... The emoism is back, Mr. Cool is reviving... I'm not gonna like this...
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Where are the happy moments?
Good-bye, it's getting worse.
Day by day, I was hoping to see something good... but nothing. In fact, it is the opposite.
1) Laptop spoil
2) Acer say must pay $130 for the casing
3) FYP team lack of people (1 backed out)
4) Asked 2 friends to join (also looking forward for them), but no.. they got a team when i need them the most
5) Another 1 existing member thinking of backing out
6) Working on Sat, that is supposed to be my laptop collecting day
7) feeling sick now..
8) etc...
I dun mind being in random team as long as I get that php project.
My mind is tired, exploding, aching... I need a bigger skull..
Smile Halim, smile.... Keep on smiling like what you always do... don't get upset, you are strong. You've been solo ever since primary school. Remember the time when you wanna join martial art class but no one was there to join with u? ANd in the end you didn't join?
Remember the time when you were betrayed and it leads u to sit in a dark classroom every morning to destress ALONE?
Remember when you decided to study for Olevel in the CC...ALONE?
Remember when you wanted to join Ninjado and you have nobody else, so you join ALONE?
Remember when you were in year 1, you were hoping that you have malay friends joining wushu with you, but you couldn't find so you decided to step into the IG..the lonely malay?
Remember those days when you were having recess in school and spending it ALONE?
Now do you remember why you like RP than Sec, Pri sch? Because during recess, you don't have to be alone.
So you are strong, you don't mind being alone as long as you are doing the things that you want to do. Keep on making others happy, it might not make you 'not lonely' but at least it makes you feel better.
Day by day, I was hoping to see something good... but nothing. In fact, it is the opposite.
1) Laptop spoil
2) Acer say must pay $130 for the casing
3) FYP team lack of people (1 backed out)
4) Asked 2 friends to join (also looking forward for them), but no.. they got a team when i need them the most
5) Another 1 existing member thinking of backing out
6) Working on Sat, that is supposed to be my laptop collecting day
7) feeling sick now..
8) etc...
I dun mind being in random team as long as I get that php project.
My mind is tired, exploding, aching... I need a bigger skull..
Smile Halim, smile.... Keep on smiling like what you always do... don't get upset, you are strong. You've been solo ever since primary school. Remember the time when you wanna join martial art class but no one was there to join with u? ANd in the end you didn't join?
Remember the time when you were betrayed and it leads u to sit in a dark classroom every morning to destress ALONE?
Remember when you decided to study for Olevel in the CC...ALONE?
Remember when you wanted to join Ninjado and you have nobody else, so you join ALONE?
Remember when you were in year 1, you were hoping that you have malay friends joining wushu with you, but you couldn't find so you decided to step into the IG..the lonely malay?
Remember those days when you were having recess in school and spending it ALONE?
Now do you remember why you like RP than Sec, Pri sch? Because during recess, you don't have to be alone.
So you are strong, you don't mind being alone as long as you are doing the things that you want to do. Keep on making others happy, it might not make you 'not lonely' but at least it makes you feel better.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Sudden bad mood
The start of the day is really fuck up. I woke up late for PT. Nevermind that, I rush out from home and I knew it if I were to die die reach there, it will be in the nick of time and my leg will be really damn pain for forcing to walk fast. However when Iwas halfway to the MRT Station, I realized I forgot my HP and wallet. By that time I know that I will not be able to make it on time.
Frustrated and angered, I walk back home slowly. I know that there's no hope to reach there on time. So I decided not to even try. The day continue to make my day boring and frustrating. The sms i sent to my fyp member received no reply and during meeting I feel really confused and was thinking that,
"Hey if you hate me, please hate me next time because we left only 2 days, so stop showing attitude"
I decided to stay there and wait till they go home first. Even though irritated, I have no idea why I decided to call Lynnda and asked if her team is doing fine. I decided to help because I know one of her team member was so stress the other day.
After that, it was close to 9pm and I went back. It is not the end of the day yet, I am still thinking of tml (Saturday). I am working on Saturday and I am so pissed because my manager keep thinking that I work for only 1 day. For goodness sake, true, I work in that job for 1 day per week but it doesn't mean the rest of the week I am free. I didnt want to work at all...
Frustrated and angered, I walk back home slowly. I know that there's no hope to reach there on time. So I decided not to even try. The day continue to make my day boring and frustrating. The sms i sent to my fyp member received no reply and during meeting I feel really confused and was thinking that,
"Hey if you hate me, please hate me next time because we left only 2 days, so stop showing attitude"
I decided to stay there and wait till they go home first. Even though irritated, I have no idea why I decided to call Lynnda and asked if her team is doing fine. I decided to help because I know one of her team member was so stress the other day.
After that, it was close to 9pm and I went back. It is not the end of the day yet, I am still thinking of tml (Saturday). I am working on Saturday and I am so pissed because my manager keep thinking that I work for only 1 day. For goodness sake, true, I work in that job for 1 day per week but it doesn't mean the rest of the week I am free. I didnt want to work at all...
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
A Story of a hater person
Once there was a girl. She always thinks that she is hated. And she likes to hate people herself. Then she thinks that everyone sucks and she is the best, she is so proud of herself for being so good at academy. She thinks that many others are inexperience and she feel as though she's always right. She thinks that people are not good enough for her, but I asked her, "Are you good enough for people?" That question remains unanswered. Yet I still continue to talk to her.
I endure all the hurtful things she say about herself being so execellent. She is so proud of herself that it hurts to hear her praises and sometimes comments. She was trying to look down on me and make me look up on to her. But she failed because I have my own integrity and I am someone who have realized that the one who will get most respect is the one who cares and treat others well. Yet I still continue to remain her friend.
She keeps thinking that job opportunities and money should all be given to her because she is good academically. She don't like to wait for others. She wants everything to herself, and so she can boast around telling others she is the best just because she have the opportunity to get projects given by companies with the help of the teachers.
Then one day, she likes one of her teachers. She thinks that others guy in school is immature and she thinks that she is matured. Her judgement of others being not good enough for her actually makes her think that she is matured. So being 'matured', she feels that the teacher is good enough for her just because the teacher is sexy and is better at academy than her.
One thing she seems to fail to realize is that the teachers are matured enough to understand her and other students need.
She hurt people, she thinks she is the best, she thinks other sucks, and she thinks others are immatured, she wants everything to herself (projects, money, etc), she do not want others to be better than her.....
.... she does not care about others or even treat others well. She did not treat ME well. The answer to the unanswered question is... (you know it)
My conclusion:
This is the reason why I hardly mind if a person is a bit weird, abnormal looking, poor or a bit different. This is because:
1) If they are any one of the attributes, don't I have it myself? (I don't know)
2) I know that I am not perfect or the best ("There is always someone better" - Ahmad Ninjado)
3) I want to make others life better (I know she don't have many friends, so I want to make her happier...)
And because of all the above reasons, that is why I continue to be her friend.
There is one person who help me see all these, and that is my Idol... Michael Jackson.
Listen to his song: Man in the Mirror
Search for the lyrics, you will know the power. He's been telling us a great message through his songs. People began to like him after listening to his songs even after he passed away. Michael Jackson have changed many lives. Michael Jackson is very caring and treats others well....with love. :)
Some people who hates him are people who have made no different to people. They hurt people instead. The haters of Michael Jackson too, should look at the man in the mirror. Thank you Michael Jackson, you are my inspiration.
Hmm...why did other celebrities who knows Michael well and have met him always say that he is good and all? But why did some of the people who hardly/never meet him keeps hating him and say that he is a child molester? And why some people(his fans) who never/hardly meets him love him?
Why people who are closer to him love him and why who are not are just throwing stones and hide their hands?
I endure all the hurtful things she say about herself being so execellent. She is so proud of herself that it hurts to hear her praises and sometimes comments. She was trying to look down on me and make me look up on to her. But she failed because I have my own integrity and I am someone who have realized that the one who will get most respect is the one who cares and treat others well. Yet I still continue to remain her friend.
She keeps thinking that job opportunities and money should all be given to her because she is good academically. She don't like to wait for others. She wants everything to herself, and so she can boast around telling others she is the best just because she have the opportunity to get projects given by companies with the help of the teachers.
Then one day, she likes one of her teachers. She thinks that others guy in school is immature and she thinks that she is matured. Her judgement of others being not good enough for her actually makes her think that she is matured. So being 'matured', she feels that the teacher is good enough for her just because the teacher is sexy and is better at academy than her.
One thing she seems to fail to realize is that the teachers are matured enough to understand her and other students need.
She hurt people, she thinks she is the best, she thinks other sucks, and she thinks others are immatured, she wants everything to herself (projects, money, etc), she do not want others to be better than her.....
.... she does not care about others or even treat others well. She did not treat ME well. The answer to the unanswered question is... (you know it)
My conclusion:
This is the reason why I hardly mind if a person is a bit weird, abnormal looking, poor or a bit different. This is because:
1) If they are any one of the attributes, don't I have it myself? (I don't know)
2) I know that I am not perfect or the best ("There is always someone better" - Ahmad Ninjado)
3) I want to make others life better (I know she don't have many friends, so I want to make her happier...)
And because of all the above reasons, that is why I continue to be her friend.
There is one person who help me see all these, and that is my Idol... Michael Jackson.
Listen to his song: Man in the Mirror
Search for the lyrics, you will know the power. He's been telling us a great message through his songs. People began to like him after listening to his songs even after he passed away. Michael Jackson have changed many lives. Michael Jackson is very caring and treats others well....with love. :)
Some people who hates him are people who have made no different to people. They hurt people instead. The haters of Michael Jackson too, should look at the man in the mirror. Thank you Michael Jackson, you are my inspiration.
Hmm...why did other celebrities who knows Michael well and have met him always say that he is good and all? But why did some of the people who hardly/never meet him keeps hating him and say that he is a child molester? And why some people(his fans) who never/hardly meets him love him?
Why people who are closer to him love him and why who are not are just throwing stones and hide their hands?
Saturday, July 11, 2009
The SECRET behind that blanked look : To break free
I've been not thinking about my every day life lately. It's like I don't really care. I am only concern with what is going to happen tomorrow. Let me just share with you what I mean.
Look at the visual basic book... I bought it 3 years ago. It is supposed to be useful for me in year 1, but guess what I didn't read it.
Another book - Flash MX. I know I was taking flash module last year. I bought this 3 years ago but I didn't use it.
Another programming book, web programming and Java. Hey, I don't need java but I am not sure why I have it. Anyway, same case, I never touch them even though I bought them.
Sometimes I wonder, what was I thinking 3 years ago or perhaps all the past years. It's like all I was doing is meant to help me now... it's like I was preparing myself for today.
There is one more thing that is bothering me. And all these emoism, worries and pressures are due to this. And this is about freedom and bringing happiness to people. It's something that I don't even have and that makes it difficult for me to give it away.
I know whatever I am doing is boring and dull. I have been doing codings, self-learning, being at home, etc. It's not like I am not interested in music or something fun, it's just that I am preoccupied. I am working out a way to break free for tomorrow.
I got a breakdance book, not bought by me, but my uncle. He was a guitarist and love to rock when he's younger. Unlike me, I am none of the cool things that other have in their list.
One of the things I ever wanted to do is taking up vocal lesson and do some entertainment. But that is a bit too late. No, don't try to use positive words to tell me otherwise (eg. nothing is too late).
Another thing that I've always wanted to do is hang out and spend like machine gun. But I can't do that, I need to save up.
Then I want to meet Michael Jackson and go for his concert... haiz... looks like it's just a dream now. I bought his album 3 years ago. I've been listening to his songs ever since I was 5 or younger.
I want to buy myself a cake and share it with family. It's just that I love cakes. Then I also want to watch cartoons and eat the cake with my mind completely free from worries. That would be a great moments for me.
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