It's been 5 years...
A lot of things has changed
My style, my attitude, my mindset, the people around me..etc
Except this feeling

In this 5 years,
I tried to find a replacement
But none of them really reach my heart
That's not all..

In this 5 years,
A lot of girls i have met..
Sweet, lovely, cute, pretty, etc...
But guess what, you are still the best


I dunno why i suddenly wanna write this entry. It seems that I just could not stop thinking of her. Even when I was trying to like someone else, the next thing that happen is this girl either being in my dream or I suddenly think of her. I dont think I have any point of writing this on my blog, it is not as if she's gonna read my blog(besides, no one's been reading my blog). But why am I writing it?

Ok, enough to that. There's no end to it.

These few days customers are being so boring and disrespectful. Issit because of my appearance that some seems to look down on me or is it just my voice?...or smth else?

I want to find some fun in work, but it seems like it's not my playground anymore.

Feeling so sad by how I am being treated. All I want to do is to make things right build a better relationship with my colleagues and friends.

I guess it's true when they say exercising helps to relieve some stress. When I went home in the evening, I was all pressured by the treatment i received from customers. But after doing some exercises, my mind draws to my martial art interests and in fact, it makes me feel good and better about myself.

Ninja chalet has already started. But i didnt join them. In fact, I am not planning to go for any chalet at all. W45G chalet, Ninja Chalet and Sgedulab Chalet. And I also did not go to Balai with the rest of the roots for a visit.

It looks as though I am avoiding the chalets and Balai. I do not know how to be fun in chalets...and i am too lazy to go oversea currently.
As for my interest development, I need some new exercises and discipline in order to be able to cartwheel and some other stuffs.

Hi blog, I am just trying to organised my thoughts.
Firstly, I want to list down what I want to do. I have already type this list in Word and saved them. lol.

Secondly, it is how I am going to do it.
I need a lot of discipline. I hate to be so egoist. It's not that I have not turn to be one before, in fact, that is the reason I hate it. I would like to relax and stay calm rather than trying to only pursuing my interest so dead seriously. I find being egoist is kind of selfish. In fact, if u tell me the 'motivation words' i would say they are only cliches' which are said without being understood. What is this my stand? Well...there are some sayings that I have been spreading like as if i know and it does seems logical, but it is when I experience and see why is it logical then I truly understand what those cliches means. How does this relates to egoist? Some of them use these 'motivational phrases' to motivate themselves, teach others and just barely tell themselves. What they don't realise is that they do not FULLY understand them. It's like a theory being use without proving yourself it is true. WOah...am i an anti-realist? lol.

So how am I goin to do it? Well...being an egoist is one of the ways that i know. The other is to have friend to motivate me to pursue my interest and each others' interest. :)

Well..Ninja-do on Sunday. Sengkang people came over to 'guard' us from troublemakers who came to disturb the place last week after lesson. I didnt stay long enough so i dunno what happen. I have some phobia doin yeoyatsu because I fell several times while trying to exert force in the kick. Sparred with Joel. lol. I told him, "I do not like to hurt others, nor do I like to be hurt". He says, "Eh same!"
lol. That was before the spar. Then during sparring, i do not really know what to do, then got one part i use yeoyatsu, and decrease force when turning. He blocked my kick and lost his balance and fell. lol. He said he rather block and fall than being kicked. haha. Then taijutsu was like..."Eh Joel, let's finish this quick..u push me"
Lol...then it was like so sian la..he didnt use much force, so I push him...it's a draw I guess. lol.

Then today, watch my 'old stuffs', that is my animations, my fun dance, speeches and some documents. :P I guess that was why everyone call me lame last time. Now I know why. Lol...how embarassing. But seriously, I still think i did some good job there.

It's been months or more than a year since I stopped doing my nightly 3 standard exercises - push-ups, sit-ups and squats.

Today I tried to do 50 pushups...I only manage 30. Another 20 i did in the second round. haha. 3 years may seems long, but the time it takes for me to be fit and strong is even longer. What I am talking here is about NS.

I have never experienced NS but what I feel is that it is just another physical education.

Well anyway, holidays r here. Time to work, as well as find another job. I feel like crying because I can't find a better paid job.

I have not been sleeping well these days cos' my mom's been waking me up so early. haha.

Today skipped wushu. No excuses is more valid than my fatigue. Well...nth much to say now..

Happy holidays W45G!

SOOoOooooo....I am from dunno where and I am here to present numbers.

Whatever la..

Anyway, today's math was like so whatever. Play CS only.
Then tired, this small girl, Wei Si, wanna play Sims 2 on my laptop. =.="

Thought of caboting, but the team psycho me not to. Then I continue playing CS. I talk nonsensically and i think i oso dunno wad i was toking abt. Faci like robot, keep nodding and nodding...i oso dunno wad she understood from my nonsense.

Then finish lesson, I play sims 2...till laptop crashes, then go home. haha..

B4 go home, went to Sheng Siong to but 20eggs. Lol...go home, fried 2 of them.
So sianz.

Then too sian, I went to do some resistance training. Do RJ, and eat, then play and play again.

Waited for 12am to wish ym birthday. My phone clock is like sooo fast...but i send following the phone clock. Why? scared forget. lol. Then now i blog. ;P

Well..good news abt this wk, I got A for sci after i psycho-ed her. :P

Hi blog,
Well...as usual, my life end this way. I just wanna be myself. But i still ended up with myself, as in I and me. It's a hard life being myself.

It could also be that I am used to being alone until now then I realise that I need a social life. Even right now, outside E5 level 1, I am alone. I told my mom a few days ago, I guess if i were to hv children I will hv at least 2.

sigh...

Today, I was like turn myself to somewhat who i was in sem 1. I did the worksheet and stuffs. I felt a bit down when I tried to get help from others. Most endings are sad, but this is personal sadness. I know others judge me being blur, emo, 'dun care type', etc. I dunno what to say.

I cant see my strength. I dun even know if I hv one.

All I can imagine is myself, holding a katana...killing anyone who blocks my way. I am moving very fast, cartwheeling and flipping. Sitting on rooftops of the town at night. Looking down at the colourful lights. Feeling peace and relaxed.
I wonder if any pschological theory can explain this image form in my mind. This image actually make me feel better now and i m back to sane.

This may be an emo entry, but wth..who cares.

And yea, there's one interesting thing that happened to me last fri.
After wushu, i was all worn out and went to W1 to buy drink at the vending machine.
Guess what. I saw this 100 Plus bottle lying on the slider through the glass. So with common sense, I buy a bottle of drink from that vending machine and in the end I earn 2 bottle of drinks. :D Buy 1 get 1 free.

Ever since Monday, I feel so haywired and lost.
Today, I become numb and headaches. It's the same old symptoms that I always experience when I feel lonely, unneeded and disliked. It's a feeling of depression.

Life is so boring. It's challenging now. Well...I do love challenges but sometimes too many of it, is making me so worried.
(Random) If I ever get more socialised...do not give the credit to RP. It is ME who wanna do so.

How I wish that she would be interested in me just like how I am interested in her now.
Shall I just let her go..?

I feel so low. I think all I need now is someone to be with me.

I am irritated by the MRT passengers, especially the senior citizens. They just could give way to alighting passengers. They're always at the door trying to rush in, acting like a resistant to the alighting passenger. For goodness sake, it's not that we can counter their resistant force but we're just afraid that someone might get hurt. It's just a safety precaution. I think if I am angry, i would have just push them out ar. Irritating sia. On the other hand, some alighting passengers were also very kiasu and push the people in front. *fist* U see this? U push me, i give u that.

Now that I am in this state of emotion(i.e numb), I tend to get angry quite easily.

Friday, Flames Award Ceremony.

Bought 2 bags. 1 for my laptop. I decided to use the normal type bag cos' my back hurts using the sling bag.
2ndly, it's for my mom. She choose, i pay abt more than half and she paid the rest.

So I handover my laptop to my mom.
The flames award was ok la. The highlight is the food i guess. So many food.

I was shouting so much tat night during the stage performance.

Hmmm..didnt go for dance, stayed with the other wushu members...they took photos, i slack...too full to do anything.