Update Of Halim

I am working hard now for experience, knowledge, money and life. I just need financial freedom. I don't really like the company I just joined. Well, to be more specific, I don't like the system. But I would like to learn from them how they talk well and influent people.

I know what they are doing. Psychoing me to take offers and see things in a different view so that their main purpose is hidden (purpose: to get more money). They keep saying the same old cliche but well. I'm still quite impress with how they speak.

My saying still goes: I know...don't mention it

They do a lot of mind tricks la. It's my thing as well. Trying to fish me with cars, money and even their products. Well. It's normal but yea, that part of it was a bit unsuccessful of them. After understanding the company, I know what I want from them. I just want to learn and maybe earn.

So my new list of busy list:

- New 'business' to learn

- Attachment Company

- Own project (1 is finishing, 1 more pending)

- School

- Wushu

- FYP

- Morning PT (been skipping)

- Need to exercise for NAPFA

I still heard people asking me to push myself. I have pushed myself so much that I often feel angry at times.

I've just shared my personal problem with a faci in RJ. Well, I just need someone to know what's in my mind. The real thing in my mind that is. She's quite privilege, I never really tell it to anyone clearly or at least any clearer.

I like the module, it's about story-telling. It's fun. I really enjoy it and I wish I can stay in RP more.

And I don't really have free days. Actually, I consider myself 'dead'. If you can remember, those times I always say that my life is short....this is what I mean. Because I never had a proper teenage life. I'm supposed to enjoy my last sem in RP, but instead I am killing that part of what I enjoy.

I'm sorry Halim, I couldn't make you happy. I have been such a worthless hardworking guy who couldn't even make myself happy. I couldn't even make myself look good. I'm short, I'm dark and I'm still not able to make good income. I don't have the traits that can attract the opposite gender. I am not able to play music, I can't sing, I can't dance, I can't act. Sing.Act.Dance...these 3 have been in my top list for all these years but well...I couldn't achieve it. Now you know who's the biggest loser. No more ninjado for me.

I'm not sad now. I'm just stating the fact and I feel neutral about it. I feel numb.

I am feeling a little feverish now... health deteriorating? I don't know. But I've been feeling kinda stress.