Holiday is wasted

Man... my holidays are wasted.

Sometimes I feel like I can become insane. What do everyone do during holidays?
- Go out
- Hang out
- ENjoy themselves
- etc... (I don't know what youngsters do...SERIOUSLY)

What do I do?
- Work
- Work
- Learn
- Get fed up
- Feel miserable

Fine, I know my life isn't balance. That is why I think I wasted my youth.

What I have always feel like doing?
- Train and work out
- Hang out
- Socialise (something that I failed since young)
- Window shopping (just look around)
- Martial arts
- Be involved (school helper - this was what I WANTED in secondary school)
- Make parent happy

True, it's easy to say, "Hey let's go out"
But.... there's something I need to worry about. No one knows. Let's just say that I am a bit autistic (maybe?). I know that there's no use saying all these. Okay, let's look at the bright side... I still have 1 freaking more year to enjoy before I waste more life in ns.

Hey, so what's your problem?
- I just do not know how to be teenager

What do you mean?
- I am not doing what other teenagers are doing...and I do not even know what they do

Why didn't you ask them?
- I will look like an idiot. But I've heard what some of them did, I don't find it interesting or fun..

Then you're just a nerd
- Fuck you, if only you're someone else...

If you realise...I am just talking to myself. Asking myself question and answering them. It makes me feel much better but sooner or later, this post will be deleted.