it hurts...

I didn't scold anyone...
I didn't force any one t0 believe me..*stop*
I did apologise...even though I don't think i am wrong...
I did want to settle it peacefully..but no respond
I am out of ninja-do.

It hurts...I strongly believe it is a misunderstanding.
But I wont be elaborating further. I don't want to talk abt it.
That's a lesson that I have learnt...dont talk abt anything..especially on this blog.
I am a loner who treats my blog as a friend to talk abt anything.
However, it seems like I didn't think abt the 'stakeholders'. I hv learnt a lot from my past experience, now I will hv a new lesson.

Being a ninja has always been my childhood dream. The yeoyatsu, splits, my flexibility, high rising kicks, etc...those did not come just like that. I have trained myself when I was young...I was preparing myself to be a ninja. I was very happy when I found ninjado. I am committed to ninjado more than wushu or even work. I am the one who ask Shihan for the ninja walk in frontier CC. I can still remember when I train my nanchaks...alone, seriously and quietly. I am so into ninja. Seriously, it hurts when those dreams is shattered just because of that accident and misunderstandings.

I don't want to talk abt it or someone or some ppl will think i am starting something. My emotions are running so fast that I don't know how to say it in words.
I know it's not the end of the world that I am out of this art. But it still hurts...

I know some ppl will say I cry over a spilt milk. Maybe that's true in a way.
I am feeling numb right now...I am trying to look happy and fine when I'm not. Why? Mother's Day is coming.

I feel like coming down to explain to Shihan. But I dunno what to say. Even if I am able to explain, i will back out from ninjado. It seems like thats not gonna happen.

He called me when I was working...I told him next week talk cos' I working, it's not the right time to talk abt it. But he say, "No need to come nxt week" and hung up. He said I scolded him on my blog...when I didn't. *stop*...i wont say more.

I dont feel like sparring anymore...there wont be any sparring for me anyway after all this.

I don't know if the ninjas r still friends with me or r they going to hate me.

This feeling will eventually fades off...I'm waiting for it to go..